Everything She Never Was
by HaylsValo
Summary: Oneshot: Piper Lowman is Happy's High School sweetheart, his wife and the only woman he has dared to love. It has been almost 20 years since she was declared brain dead but Happy refuses to turn off her life support and give up on her. This is their story


_Disclaimer - The characters of this fanfiction, as well as the 'Sons of Anarchy' world belong to Kurt Sutter, with the exception of Piper Jones/Lowman, who is an original character created by me. I make no profit from this work._

_**So someone asked me to write a Happy story a while back and at once, something came to mind. I decided to keep it as a one-shot because obviously, I have my main Chibs story as well as college work but it ended up being a very long one shot!**_

_**It starts when Happy is in High School and I've put him as around 18 in 1989, his date of birth being in 1970. **_

_**I really hope you all enjoy this because I've never thought about doing a Happy fic before and I got very, very carried away with this.**_

Happy Lowman is SAMCRO's resident assassin. Ruthless, cold and brutal he shows little emotion other than they joy he gets from his work and the love he has for his brothers. His bloodlust is infamous, his kill count sky high and his loyalty to his club unwavering. Every kill is a delight; every job undertaken is done so with immense pleasure. There are no limits to what Happy will do, his knowledge of all things criminal is extensive and the notches on his bedpost are so many, there is no bed frame left to support him when he takes his latest whore for a ride.

The only time you see any real emotion in him is when he talks about his sickly mother. Clearly, she is the only woman he has ever dared to care for her and the love he has for her surpasses that he has for the Sons of Anarchy. He will drop everything to be at her side and everything he does, he does for her, so that he can pay for the expensive medication she needs to treat her ongoing illness.

What many people don't know is that Happy Lowman's mother isn't really that sick at all. She is on a lot of medication, but it is medication her insurance easily pays for. He simply uses her illness as cover, makes it seem worse than it really is so that he can get leave to go to her whenever he wishes and so that no one can question why he is so willing to take any job offered by the club, so long as it pays.

In reality, Happy hides behind the story of his mothers costly illness because admitting the truth hurts him far too much; he can't stand the idea of anyone knowing about _her_, can't stand the idea of people asking him questions about what happened and issuing him false sympathies that he neither wants nor believes. After all, how could any of these people be truly sorry? _They never knew her_.

_Her_. Piper Lowman, formally Jones. She is Happy's wife, his childhood sweetheart and the very person that drives Happy to be the man that he is. He is everything she is not because to be like her in any way causes Happy too much heartache and pain. However she is the reason he calls himself Happy, she is the reason he gets a smiley face inked onto his torso after every kill; these things are his tributes to her, the way he keeps her fresh in his mind without ever having to think up her name or remember what happened to her.

Piper Lowman lays in a hospital bed, in an expensive private hospital in Finley , Washington, a place where she receives only the most expert care. Her care is very costly but Happy doesn't care; he'll pay whatever he has too to ensure his girl is being taken care off, to ensure that when she wakes she'll have the best chance possible of becoming the woman she had once been again.

Nor does Happy care that Piper has been declared brain dead or that she is kept alive by the many machines she is hooked up to. She has been given no hope of recovery and doctors have informed Happy that she will never awaken. They have insisted that he pull the plug, but Happy refuses to listen, refuses to cave. He doesn't want to give up on Piper, the first and only woman he has ever loved. He believes that one day she will wake, that she will recover and return to him.

Deep down he knows these hopes to be futile; Piper will never wake and will never come back to him. But it is hope that she will that keeps him going, the idea that one day she might return to him that keeps him from giving up on life altogether, and it is his never-ending need for revenge that fuels the fire that allows him to be the most brutal, ruthless killer in the Sons of Anarchy.

This is their story.

_**SAMCRO**_

_**April 1989**_

John Lowman was in his final year of High School when he finally noticed her. He was only in his final year of High School because he'd promised his beloved mother he'd graduate and for the longest time, he wished he'd never made such a promise. But then he suddenly noticed Piper – a girl he'd been going to school with since the ninth grade – and the promise he'd once made his mother was never regretted again.

Although they had many classes together, John and Piper never talked. He was part of the 'rough' crowd that sat at the back of the classroom, paying as little attention as possible and she was one of the teacher's pets that sat in the front row, paying absolute attention to the teacher. He spent all lesson drawing skulls and designing tattoo's for his friends while she worked hard and sighed off all her work with an elegant signature and a smiley face. They couldn't have been more different. John already dressed like a member of the Sons of Anarchy – who he planned to prospect for as soon as he'd graduated – while Piper wore bright colours, floaty dresses and girly outfits. If it hadn't been for the school newspaper article that drove them together, their worlds would have never collided.

Piper Jones was one of just two reporters that worked for the 'Weekly Roar' the newspaper that the school put out every Tuesday morning. John was the captain of the wrestling team and had just lead the schools team – the Finley Lions – to victory at the state championships. Piper was assigned the task of interviewing the team's star wrestler – the newspapers other report, Harriet Jenkins was too afraid of John and his friends to do so – a day after their victorious return to Finley .

Although she refused to admit it; Piper, like Harriet, was terrified at the prospect of interviewing John Lowman. Her reasons however, were nothing to do with the rumours that John had killed a man with his bare hands and nor were they anything to do with the fact John could threaten anyone with just a look. She was terrified because since the day she'd moved to Washington from Florida, she'd not been able to stop thinking about the toned, well built muscled mass that was John Lowman. She didn't believe a single rumour about him and was convinced underneath the hardened, mysterious mask that he hid behind he was warm and loving guy that was open to any woman that dared to read him, with a heart of gold.

John Lowman was almost an hour later to his interview for the school paper, but he didn't care. He and Wilson had been out behind the storage shed, smoking a joint and had lost track of time. The reporter or whatever could wait for him; the teams win at the championships was going to be front page news after all (not that John really cared) so they had no choice but to do so. They probably didn't have anything better to do with their time anyways.

As he expected, the student interviewing him was still waiting inside the classroom normally set aside for study hall. She was a tiny little thing, the girl sat waiting, with long, dead straight black hair that looked almost blue in dim glow of the overhead lights. She was attractive enough as far as John was concerned, her features were simple but pretty, yet she wasn't the type of girl John would go for. Not in the frilly little girls dress she was wearing anyways! But when she stood, John gave an inaudible little gasp, his eyes widened ever so slightly; little girls dress she may be wearing, but it clung in all the right places to her body, which was curvy and very much that of a woman.

"So you're here to ask me some questions?" John barked gruffly, ignoring the hand the girl held out to him. She nodded but didn't say a word, but not through lack of trying. She opened and closed her mouth a fair few times, the only sound that came from between her plump lips being the occasional squeaks that sounded nothing like words. The girl was also shaking softly, her cheeks wee a vibrant red and her eyes remained fixated on a spot on John's shirt. John couldn't help but feel smug at that; he'd gotten this girls panties in a twist just by walking in the door! "Well hurry up girly, I ain't got all day." He said as he dropped into a chair with a heavy thud, his hand diving into his pocket at the same time, in search of a cigarette. He soon found one and lit it, taking a long drag before blowing the smoke in the direction of the reporter (who had hastily sat back down after he'd refused to shake her hand). The scowl that formed on her lips made it plain she was annoyed, but she didn't dare speak up or even attempt to waft the smoke away from her face.

"So… um… you've won the championships, how does that feel?" the girl stammered out, still focussing on a spot in John's shirt. John smirked and brushed at the spot on his shirt like there was a stain there, making the raven haired girl's cheeks blush even redder still.

"Good, I guess." He shrugged, his voice more haggard than it had been moments before as a result of the long drag he'd taken from his cigarette. He took another drag and flicked the ass on the floor before blowing smoke into the girls face once again and continuing, knowing that his interviewer wanted more of an answer. If the look of dissatisfaction on her face was anything to go by that is. "Hell, I don't care about medals and trophies. As long as I can beat the shit outta a couple of guys, I'm happy." He said with a wicked grin, chuckling softly at the startled and almost fearful expression that appeared on his interviewers face. Clearly she'd expected a nicer, more publishable answer than that!

"Okay…" she muttered, taking notes despite her obvious reservations about his answer. She'd probably smooth over what he'd said and make it far more printable, but John didn't care. He just wanted to be done with the stupid interview so he could go and find his friends, who were attempting to get a hold of some booze and coke. The questions continued and thankfully, the time passed quickly. John rattled off answers about his team mates and their training as quickly as possible, not caring very much at all if his answers were printable. He did however, stop blowing smoke in his interviews face. For some reason, he felt like a bit of an asshole doing that, which was odd because no matter what he did he normally didn't feel like an asshole when he did cruel things to people. "And um, how do you think the team's chances fair next year, when you'll no longer be a student and therefore, no longer be able to be part of the team?" John was completely fed up by this point and hoped to god this was the last of the girl's questions. Before he could answer however, two guys burst into the room, both wearing the same letterman jacket that John owned but never bother to wear (he didn't give a damn about school sprit, he just wanted to fight). They were Eddy Johnson and Reggie Smith, two blond haired knuckleheads that were both as dumb as fuck and could probably pass for twins if it wasn't for the scar that ran across Reggie's forehead and Eddy's mismatched eyes.

"Lowman, you done man?" Reggie drawled, sounding stoned. A look into his bloodshot, hooded eyes confirmed this. Eddy too, looked just as stoned. John felt a surge of anger rush through him; whilst he was doing some bullshit interview for the goddamn school newspaper his friends had probably smoked up what was probably the last of _his_ fucking weed!

"Yeah come on, Reggie swiped a bottle of Jack from his mom's cabinet and Donny has just been to see his dealer." Eddy said, a crooked grin on his lips. John's anger melted away somewhat then; they'd smoked _his_ fucking weed, yeah, but now they had booze and coke and he was going to make sure he got his goddamn share of both.

"Yeah, we're done." John said, standing with such force the chair he'd been sitting on clattered to the floor noisily. John simply kicked the chair aside and went and embraced both his friends in manly, slap each other on the back style hugs. Before he could follow the both of them into the hall however, his raven haired interviewer – who had gone stark white when Eddy and Reggie had barrelled into the room and hadn't moved a muscle since - spoke up.

"Wait…. You…" she mumbling, looking up for an instance before ducking her head again before she could catch John's eye. She looked redder than ever and more than a little scared. John almost felt sorry for her; almost, but not quite. If she couldn't handle talking to him that was her own goddamn problem. "Pictures…" she muttered, before John could bolt. John sighed and nodded his head, allowed the girl to take one picture of him (without his letterman jacket or the trophy his team had won at the state championships) before he walked out and attempted to catch up with his friends without another word.

"That nerd's got it in for you man." Eddy chuckled as John fell in line with his friends. He took the joint the blonde offered him and finished it off with one long drag and a sigh of relief and contentment. He was glad to be done with his pointless interview (so he'd lead the team to victory, who cared?) and feeling rather smug at the idea that the nerdy, raven haired interviewed had the hot's for him. Of course she did; what girl at the shit hole more commonly known as Finley High School didn't? "She was all red and flustered; could barely keep her eyes off you." Eddy went on, slapping John across the chest in way of congratulations.

"Ah Lowman, you should hit that!" Reggie drawled, which didn't surprise John. Reggie would fuck just about any girl that showed him even the slightest bit of interest. John was normally a little more selective than that; at the very least, any girl he fucked had to have a good body; a nice little ass and a good pair of tits! The girl who'd interviewed him (John didn't know her name, so she was simply 'the girl') had had both, but John was certain he wouldn't 'hit that'. There was too much innocence to her for his liking. "That girl is just begging for you to slip inside her tight little pussy and bang the shit out of it!" Reggie sniggered, which made John scowl. For some bizarre, unknown reason, Reggie's comment had offended him, angered him even. He didn't like the way Reggie was talking about this girl, who'd seemed so naive and innocent despite her womanly curves. He wasn't going to let that anger or the fact that he had been offended show however, so he simple slung his arm around Reggie's shoulder and nodded, a smug look on his face.

"You know it man." He grinned before hastily changing the subject.

_**SAMCRO**_

John soon forgot all about his interview and the raven haired girl who'd conducted it. He spent the weekend living it up with his friends, drinking heavily and snorting so much coke his nose throbbed and felt as though it was going to burst. Going back to school on Monday (there'd be no skipping class, his mother wouldn't allow it and if she found out he'd not gone to school, she'd made damn sure he paid the price for that) was hell; the weekend had caught up to him and he had just about the worst hangover imaginable. He hadn't been able to keep down breakfast and no amount of painkillers was getting rid of the hammering headache that had formed between his eyes. Most people knew to leave him well alone on Monday's, but _she_ didn't. After spotting him in the hallway after first period, the raven haired interviewer approached him, looking uneasy and apprehensive.

"Hi…" she said, nodding her head at John, eyes going back to that same old spot on his shirt. John didn't acknowledge her – didn't she know he was to be left alone on a Monday? – he simply continued to rummage around in his locker in search of something that might ease his headache somewhat, or get rid of the churning feeling in the pit of his stomach. The girl gulped nervously, but stood firm and after a moment, she spoke again. "John?" her tone was more nervous than before, softer. John knew if he didn't acknowledge her this time, she'd walk away (which is what he wanted) so he surprised himself when he spoke to her.

"What?" he demanded dangerously, making his annoyance at being spoken to more than apparent. He slammed his locker shut with all his might and winced slightly as his headache intensified. The girl (who was wearing another pink, girlie dress that hugged her body in all the right places) stood firm, if on shaking legs, and handed John a piece of paper.

"I just… I didn't know if you wanted to read the article… you know, before it goes to print." She mumbled quickly, and so quietly John barely caught a word of what she'd said. He heard enough to understand what she was saying though; she wanted him to read over the article she'd written about him before the newspaper went to print, just encase there was anything in it that might offend him or piss him off. This seemed to be more for the girls benefit than his for if she wrote something that he wasn't happy with, she'd be even more ostracised as she already was.

"It's fine." John drawled, pushing the paper back towards the girl. She flinched at his touch and her cheeks flushed which made John smirk, in spite of the shitty way he was feeling. He kinda wanted to touch her again, just to see the reaction he'd get for his efforts.

"But you didn't ev-" the girl mumbled uneasily, staring down at the crumpled piece of paper in her hand. She went to give it to him again, but John pushed it back towards her once more.

"It's fine. Print the goddamn thing." He snapped. He didn't give a damn what was written about him, it was just a stupid article in a stupid, pointless school newspaper after all. Hell, the girl could rant and rave about him, call him every nasty name she could think of (which probably wouldn't be very many) and John still wouldn't care. He was about to walk away from the girl, when out of nowhere appeared James Duncan and Wade Jeffries, two football players that strutted around school like they owned the place. The football players and the wrestling stars at Finley High School hated one another so John clenched his fists, a grim look forming about his face as he prepared for a confrontation. James and Wade however, walked straight past him throwing little more than looks of loathing his way. Their target seemed to be the girl who'd interviewed John. She was still clutching her article but her face had gone from bright red to stark white and she was looking anxiously from side to side, as if looking for a way to escape. There was none and soon James and Wade were stood either side of her.

"Hey Pisser." James sniggered, smirking cockily as he tipped the remnants of water in the bottle clutched in his hand over her head. There was little left in the bottle, but it was enough to soak the top of the raven haired girls head and drip down onto her face. She shuddered, gulped and blinked back a few tears but otherwise gave no reaction to the fact that she'd just had water tipped all over her. She didn't even lift her head or try and get James and Wade to leave her alone. John stared, transfixed and bewildered, unsure if he wanted to intervene and spare the girls humility. Before he could make up his mind, Wade lifted his hand and brought it crashing down on to the books the girl had clutched in her hands with such force, they toppled out of her grasp and to the floor.

"Oh no, look what happened." Wade tittered in mock sympathy. The girl blushed a red that was even more vibrant that the one that had tainted her cheeks when she'd talked to John as Wade and James laughed cruelly and high-fived one another over her head. When she bent down to pick up her books, James swung his bag at her, sending her flying to the floor with a painful sounding thud. James and Wade laughed harder still before wandering off, congratulating one another over their antics as they went.

"Jerks." The girl muttered under her breath as she stood up and brushed herself down. There was a painful looking cut on her knee, but she ignored it and instead focussed on trying to do something about her wet hair. Something about the sight of blood trickling down the girls leg seemed to snap some sense into John in that moment. He ducked down and gathered up her books, before pressing them into her hands without a word. In doing so, he was able to learn that her name was Piper Jones and that she seemed to like drawing as much as he did – her books were covered in little doodles of everything from puppies and kittens to hauntingly beautiful women, but she'd mostly drawn simple smiley faces. Hundreds of them it seemed. "Thanks." Piper muttered as she took her books from John, finally looking him in the eye as she did so. She even had a little smile on her lips. This caught John off guard a little – she had the most beautiful eyes – and he had to take a moment to get a hold of himself.

"No problem." He shrugged eventually, his voice gruff and emotionless. He didn't know why he'd picked up Pipers book's for her, normally he'd just have walked away without a word. Piper had just looked so damn pathetic when she'd stood up, with her dress rumbled, her hair soaked and a cut on her knee, that John hadn't been able to stop himself. He felt sorry for the girl, who was so obviously close to tears. Why should she get treated like shit because she had a brain in her head and had enough good sense to use it? "What's with all the smiley faces?" John drawled, curiosity getting the better of him, his eyes falling to the books he'd placed in Piper's hands. For a girl who was taunted and bullied so much, she sure did draw a lot of smiley faces.

"I just like them is all." Piper shrugged, the smile on her lips getting a little bit bigger as she dared to look John in the eye once again. John gave a nod, but before he could reply out loud, the bell rang. "Thanks again." Piper muttered, ducking her head as she turned and walked towards her next class. John watched her go, eyes on her ass, a smirk on his lips, his headache all but gone.

After that John couldn't get Piper out of his head. She seemed to have set up camp there and nothing he did – not booze, drugs or girls – made her leave. He began to let himself think about how pretty she was, with her little girl clothes that hugged at her woman's body and her big beautiful eyes that were either green or grey – John couldn't decide. Soon, the girl he'd never noticed was plaguing his every waking though and even his dreams. Her shy little smile, her blushing cheeks, her big beautiful eyes and her curvy woman's body were all he could think of. He wanted her, but he didn't know in what sense. John Lowman didn't date girls, he just fucked them, but problem was, Piper Jones was too good of a girl to just fuck. John couldn't and wouldn't do that to her, which left just one alternative. John just had to work up the nerve to ask her out, something that was surprisingly difficult considering he spent his evenings and weekends fighting off more pussy than he could handle.

_**SAMCRO**_

_**June 1989**_

Before John Lowman could work up the nerve to ask Piper Jones out, the end of the school year started to approach and with it, came Finley High school's prom. John hadn't planned to go to the thing, despite the fact that a family friend had given him a tux especially for the occasion, but when he'd learnt that Piper was attending in order to get shots for the year book (she was the only photographer on staff), he decided he might as well go. Prom seemed a good a time as ever to ask her out, and if she said no (as if she would!) he act like nothing had happened the next day, blaming his apparent memory loss on to much drink and if Piper dared to bring up what he'd done, he'd brush this off by suggesting that she had been the one to drink too much.

John spent most of the evening hanging around outside the school's gym, where the prom was being held, smoking cigarette after cigarette as he waited patiently for Piper to finish taking pictures and leave for the night. He may not know the girl very well – or at all really – but he knew enough about her to know she'd not hang around once her work was done. He'd only caught a few glimpses of her over the course of the evening but knew she looked stunning. She was wearing a deep green dress that had an old fashioned sort of feel to it, but was floaty like something a gypsy might wear. With the thick black mascara and sparkly green eye shadow she wore, Piper's eyes looked like vibrant green emeralds that glittered in the light of the disco ball. Her hair, which usually cascaded down her back, was pined up in a messy sort of bun and was dotted with tiny, sparkling gems. If John thought he could get away with it, he would have simply sat there and stared at her all night long…

It was barely 9pm when Piper left the prom – John had been right, once her work was done she hadn't bothered to stick around. She shuddered as the cool night air hit her and paused to put her camera in her bag. John watched her as she did this, which Piper seemed to pick up on for she suddenly froze, looking very nervous indeed, the only part of her that dared to move being her eyes, which darted around frantically, looking for whomever she felt watching her. Not liking that he was unnerving her, John flicked his spent cigarette aside and strode over to her, pausing only to pick up his jacket which had been cast aside along with his tie and waistcoat as soon as he'd arrived at the prom. Hearing him approach, Piper's head shot up, her eyes wide and shaking in fear, almost all colour in them drained – they looked grey again. When she caught sight of John coming towards her, she looked even more fearful and confused as to why he was approaching her in the first place. Knowing he had to speak up now before he lost his nerve, John swallowed back all his fears and reservations before eyeing Piper up and down, a smirk on his lips.

"Hey girl." He drawled, trying to sound less cocky than he normally did when he was talking to a girl he wanted. Piper said nothing in return, but she looked even more confused than she already did. "You're looking fine tonight." John grinned, mentally slapping himself across the head when he realised how much of a slime ball he sounded like. His words had come across as sleazy, like he wanted only one thing from Piper, when in reality he wanted so much more for the girl whose eyes couldn't seem to make up their mind about which colour they were.

"Are you talking to me?" Piper asked uncertainly, looking around as if expecting to see another girl standing behind or to the side of her. John wasn't at all offended, in fact he understood. He'd be confused too if he were Piper, after all normally he went for cheerleaders or the willing wresting groupies that he could get into bed with little or no effort on his part. He didn't go for any of the nerdy girls; the ones who lived in the library or the labs, the ones who aced every subject and were part of more after school clubs than they could count on their fingers – girls like Piper.

"Do you see anybody else?" John asked, eyebrow cocked as his eyes swept the area, making sure that there really wasn't anyone else around. Piper blushed then, fear and confusion making way for embarrassment and elation, the cutest of little smiles. Things that made her eyes go green and glitter like they had done inside the gym. John smiled and took another step towards Piper, reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand. She trembled at his touch, her cheek blazed, but she didn't squirm away. He tilted her head back so that he could look into her eyes, leaned in closer so he could get a good look at them, his forehead practically resting against hers. "You know you need to tell your eyes to make up their mind about what colour they are, cause I can't work out if they are grey or green." John drawled, in such a soft and hushed tone all traces of his gruff, smoker's voice disappeared. Pipers eyes glittered all the more so and although he couldn't see her lips, John was certain she was smiling. He liked that he'd made her smile; the fact that he had done so sending a warm, fuzzy sort of feeling to the pit of his stomach. Like butterflies and a dulled down version of the feeling he got just before he came all rolled into one. "Piper…" John whispering her name, acknowledging that he knew it, seemed to stir up something in the both of them, for in that very same moment, each closed their eyes and leaned in, pressed their lips to the others, John having to duck down a considerable amount to reach tiny Piper's lips – even in heels, she only came up to his shoulder. There was hesitance in the kiss at first and when John realised that that hesitance was coming from _him_ he thought about Piper's eyes, big and green and glittering, and suddenly it was gone. Kissing Piper was different to kissing other girls; their lips moulded together with ease, as if they were made to fit together, and the longer the kiss went on, the hungrier John got for more. Piper's lips tasted wonderful, like strawberries and cream and were softer than silk. After a moment, John slipped his arm around Piper's waist and pulled her closer, slipped his tongue into her mouth. Their tongue's danced for the briefest moment before Piper suddenly jerked back, so suddenly and with such quickness it was like she'd been shocked. She gave a rough little cough, as if the smoke on John's breath had invaded her lungs, and turned away from him completely, the look on her face making it apparent she was horrified with herself. "What? I thought you liked me?" John muttered, cocking an eyebrow to show his confusion as he reached a hand out towards Piper, intent on resting it on her shoulder. She seemed to sense his hand coming, for she recoiled even more so. John felt a pang in his heart at that.

"I do; I just don't want to be some prom night lay." Piper admitted, her words such a flustered rush John had to take a moment to think about what she'd said. _I just don't want to be some prom night lay. _Pipers words rang in John's ears, harsh yet true. How could he have not seen this coming? Piper would have spent years watching him pick up and then discard girls as soon as he'd got them into bed; she was expecting to be the same to him. Just another girl for him to use and abuse. How was she to know she was the one and only girl he'd ever wanted different from? How was she to know that John could see himself _with_ her and not just _in_ her?

"Never said you would be sweetheart." He said frankly with a swift shrug of shoulders, fighting to keep his face expressionless as he spoke. He didn't want to look smug or sleazy; he wanted Piper to understand what he was getting at, than she'd more than just a _'prom night lay'_ (not that he expected to get laid tonight; he knew he'd probably have to take things slow with Piper who he knew had never really had any boyfriends, from asking around) she was different, she was special. A girl he could see himself with long term.

Piper just stared at him perplexed for the longest moment, her lips contorted into a scowl, her arms folded defensively across her chest. If it wasn't for the look in her eyes, one that told John that she was considering what he'd said, trying to work out it's meaning, he would have walked away there and then, knowing his attempts to woo Piper had been unsuccessful. Before she could speak up or come to any sort of decision, Paul Stevens, the captain of the football team, tumbled out of the gym looking a bit worse for wear. His white shirt was stained a variety of different things, his jacket and tie were long gone (along with one of his shoes) and there was a wild look on his dirty face that made it more than obvious he was as high as a kite; and in no control whatsoever of what he was doing. John tutted in disgust (he prided himself on being able to retain control over his actions when he got loaded) while Piper meanwhile trembled and went white with fear, her dazzling green eyes suddenly grey again, wide and shaking. John tightened his jaw, clutched his fists in preparation, knowing where Piper's fear was coming from. Paul was a guy who had no qualms about giving her a shove in the school hallways and had a reputation of being very 'handsy' when he was as fucked as he was now.

Just as John expected, Paul caught sight of them – or rather, Piper – and smirked cruelly, his eyes glazed with a combination of his high and his lust. He barrelled over in their direction, walking at a strange angle as he could barely keep himself upright, tittering softly to himself to entire time. Piper gulped softly, but she didn't flee; she seemed to be frozen to the spot, unable to move, despite her fear. Not even when Paul finally reached them. He leered at her, eyeing her up and down as he licked his lips, before throwing his arm around her shoulder. Piper almost buckled under the weight of it.

"Hey Pisser!" Paul drawled, his voice higher than usual, words slurred to the point where he was almost impossible to understand. He planted a kiss on Piper's cheek, wet and smacking, which made Piper winch and whimper in fear. Paul either seemed not to notice, or not to care. John was willing to put a lot of money on the latter. He didn't step in though, not just yet; he was kind of hoping that Paul would catch sight of some other girl before he did something that _really_ upset Piper because in doing so, John wouldn't run the risk of scaring Piper while trying to threaten (or even attack) Paul. "That's a nice ass you're got there!" Paul sneered, slamming his hand against Piper's behind with such force, the noise of the slap echoed a few times. Piper whimpered, louder than before, and tried to squirm away, but a sniggering Paul just held onto her tighter still. He slapped Piper's ass again, with even more force this time, and laughed even harder still, the sound of his laughter harsh and shrill coupled against Piper's whimpering. Piper desperate, scared, lost as to what to do, turned her attention to John. Her eyes were still grey, but they were glittering once again. Glittering because of the tears that lingered within them. She begged John with her eyes, pleaded with him to help her. John nodded once, so swift and subtle that Paul missed it completely. John no longer had any qualms about scaring Piper; she _wanted_ his help and dammit he was going to give it to her! He stepped forward, a brutal, cold look about his face, grim determination in his blazing eyes, and grabbed hold of Paul's arm. Before Paul could so much as say a word about what had happened, John had twisted his arm off of Piper and contorted it in a way that would allow him to snap and break Paul's arm with ease, should he feel he needed to. He wanted to already, and could as easily as if Paul's arm was no more than a mere matchstick, but held back for Pipers sake. She hadn't run off, despite being free from Paul's grasp, but was staring at the scene unfolding before her with grim curiosity and an obvious need to see Paul get strung up for the way he had treated her. John couldn't help but be a little turned on by that; she _wanted_ to see him break Paul's arm, she _wanted_ to see John carry out whatever brutal punishment he had in mind for Paul.

"That ain't no way to treat a girl Stevens." John drawled dangerously, jerking Paul closer as he spoke so that he could press his face against his and force Paul to look into his eyes, which were narrow and ablaze with fury. Paul gulped softly, the only sign he gave that he was afraid, before fighting to get free from John's hold. John just twisted his arm even more so, pushing his arm to the point of breaking, yet not beyond. Not yet anyway. Paul hissed in pain but didn't back down, he just continued to stare John out.

"What do you care Lowman? She's just a nerd." Paul spat, face reddening in anger, the confusion he felt at John defending Piper obvious in the tone of his voice. Before John could so much as open his lips, Paul began sniggering. It was a vile, cruel laugh that made John realise the true nature of Paul's words. _She's just a nerd._ Just a nerd. Meaning he didn't see her as a real person so it was okay to cop a feel, so it was okay to push her and treat her like scum, so it was okay to scare her and leer at her in such a despicable way! John didn't hesitate in twisting Paul's arm that little bit more, breaking it with a sickening crack. He let Paul go then, eyes dancing in delight, ears ringing at the delicious sound of Paul's arm breaking and his subsequent howls of pain, a smirk playing about his lips that left little doubt as to how much he'd enjoyed breaking Paul's arm. Despite his arm being broken, hanging uselessly at his side, and despite the howls of pain that emitted from between his lips, Paul glared at John, his good hand clenched tight and ready to smash into John's jaw. John just continued to smirk, his eyebrow now cocked as if to say '_really_?'. He lifted his shirt, revealing the blade he kept tucked in his pants, a blade that he had no reservations about using.

"Try me and you might just find out." He snarled, low and threatening, his hand wrapping around the handle of the blade in the same instance, making it more than obvious to Paul that he was willing to use it there and then. Paul didn't say another word, his fist unclenched and he gave a half hearted sort of nod before he fled into the night without a backwards glace. John watched him go with a sense of satisfaction; he had no worries about the consequences of his actions. Paul was so high it was unlikely he'd remember what had happened and if he did, John knew he was no rat. He'd keep what happened to himself and seek out revenge in his own way. Revenge that John was more than prepared for. As soon as Paul was gone from his line of sight, John turned back to where Piper had stood, uncertain if she'd still be there. She was and she was smiling uncertainly as if she didn't know whether to be pleased or unhappy about what had happened to Paul; as if she was fighting between being scared and turned on. Her eyes remained fixed on John's blade and exposed torso, and sparkled in curiosity. Alarm. Lust. They were green again. John dropped his shirt, hiding his blade from view, covering his exposed torso. "What ditch this hellhole and go someplace else?" he asked Piper, a faint smile on his lips. He didn't like the idea of hanging around outside the High school, a place that he loathed with all his being, where the majority of their classmates were just feet away in the gym, living it up at the prom. Any one of them could come out at any point; they'd start asking questions, sticking their nose in where it didn't belong, or even worse, they'd torment and bully Piper. John didn't want that, he wanted them to have some privacy while they talked, wanted Piper to be completely comfortable in his presence – something she'd never be while they lingered outside the gym.

Piper hesitated before she responded, her eyes lingering on John's waist, where his shirt concealed the blade that he'd threatened Paul with. She looked unsure, doubtful and yet intrigued. She seemed to want to go with him but had reservations after what she'd just seen and because of the reputation that no doubt preceded him. He wished he could push her for an answer, to get her to hurry up and just say 'yes' or 'no' but knew this would unnerve her and make her reject his offer. So he waited.

"Sure." Piper muttered eventually, nodding her head once. She sounded certain in her answer, but John could still sense her hesitation and uncertainty. In an effort to comfort her, he smiled, what he hoped was a smile that came across as friendly and not sinister, before slipping an arm around her waist and gently stirring her towards his bike. Piper gave the smallest jerk at his touch, her cheeks became pink, and yet she went with him willingly, a smile on her lips, her green eyes now sparkling in joy and little more. John felt more than a little smug at that; that smile was in place because of him, he was the reason her beautiful eyes were so vibrant and green, sparkling like gemstones in the light of the stars. He couldn't stop himself from smiling, something he didn't normally do that often, and was certain his eyes were sparkling just as much as Piper's were.

John really expected Piper to be nervous and frightened by the sight of his Harley but was both astounded and pleased when she smiled and ran her hand over the seat in longing. She confessed that her father had ridden a motorcycle and that right from a young age, he'd take her out on it. She told John how they'd ride for miles with no real destination, merely enjoying spending time together and the thrill of the ride; the wind in their hair, the cool breeze that whipped up around them on hot days and the heart pounding, stomach full of butterflies feeling they got when they went too fast along the deserted highway. She stopped talking after a moment, falling silent so suddenly that John was caught off guard. He asked her if she was okay and that's when she confessed that her father had been killed in a motorcycle accident when she'd been 14. It'd happened on a winter's night, one that was dark and pouring with rain. Piper had fallen ill and was rushed to the hospital was suspected appendicitis. Since her mother was out of town, Piper had travelled to the hospital all alone, getting just enough time before the ambulance had arrived to leave her father a very frantic and rushed message with his secretary. The message had scared her father so much, he'd rushed to the hospital without thought or care for his own safety, something that would prove fatal as he drove his motorbike straight into a wall. He had died instantly. From what John could gather from Piper's near inaudible ramblings, that were broken apart by her efforts not to sob, her mother blamed her for her father's death and took it out on her on a regular basis. Not in a physical way, but by shunning her, pushing her away and depriving her of all affection and emotion. The few times she did acknowledge Piper, she was verbally abusive and cruel. As a result, Piper too, blamed herself for her father's death. Despite not being one for hugs and comfort, words of reassurance, John had enveloped Piper in his arms and held her against his chest. He told her that these things happen and there's nothing you can do about it. That it's happened, it's in the past and getting upset about it still is pointless because you can't change what's already been. His words were slightly harsh, but to the point, and best of all, they seemed to offer the comfort Piper was after for she calmed considerably and thanked him. John shrugged it off like it was nothing, then told Piper if she didn't want to ride with him, they could walk somewhere and find a nice spot to hang out. He was certain she'd see this as a good idea; after all why would she want to ride after her father had been killed in a motorcycle accident? But she said she'd rather take a ride with him with enthusiasm and excitement. She grinned broadly when John handed her his helmet, clearly looking forward to their ride.

John had to bite back a groan as Piper straddled the bike behind him; her arms wrapped securely around his waist at once before she jerked herself closer too him, shifting her body to make herself comfortable and secure in her position at the same time. As a result she pressed her breasts pressed firmly up against John's back, rubbed up and down it in a way that drove John wild and made the crotch of his pants suddenly very tight. Piper seemed to understand the effect she'd had on him because just before the bike roared to life, she made a soft sort of whimper that John attributed to someone smirking.

The ride to the park, where John knew of a beautiful little stream, hidden away behind a cluster of tree's, that very little people knew about (his mother had taken him there as a child to feed the ducks… he however, had been more interested in chasing the ducks) was like nothing John had ever experienced before. He'd taken plenty of girls out on his bike before, but most had been petrified, had shrieked in terror or giggled nervously and moved against him as he moved, making the ride difficult and unpleasant. Not Piper. She held onto John tight, her body remaining firmly pressed against his, she swayed with him, moving in completely harmony with him with ease, despite the fact she had no idea where they were going. Best of all, she remained silent, allowing John to focus on riding and the feel of her pressed up against him. He almost didn't want to pull over… He was glad that he did though, because when Piper dismounted the bike and handed him back his helmet, she rewarded him with the most dazzling smile. Her cheeks were flushed in enjoyment, her hair ruffled from the helmet and her eyes practically danced in delight; she looked absolutely beautiful and clearly she'd enjoyed the ride as much as John had. He had to take a moment to get a hold of himself before he too, dismounted the bike. He ducked his head and ran a hand through his shown black hair, took a deep breath and willed his erection away with thoughts of men in thongs and his neighbour old Mrs Stroud in her bathing suit.

After John got off the bike, he took Piper's hand and entwined their fingers (as naturally as it had happened, it was a first for him. He didn't hold girls hands, he slung his arm around their waist or shoulders and that was it) and lead her towards the stream, telling her about it as they went. Piper's nerves seemed to return for she barely said a word and trailed behind him uncertainly, her fingers loose within his. In an effort to change this, to make Piper relax a little, John assured her again that she wasn't just _some prom night lay _in what he hoped was a calm and reassuring tone. His words however, came across as abrupt and callous, like he was lying just to get between Piper's legs. Piper didn't like that, her face fell, her eyes dulled and went grey, and she scowled at him in disgust. Clearly she believed she really was just a prom night lay and she was not going to stick around to be one. Without a word, she snatched her hand free from John's, turned on her heel and marched off, the sound of her muffled sobs obvious in the quiet of the night. John hesitated for just a moment before he went after her, unsure if it was worth going after her or not. After all he didn't like girls, he didn't want to date them and treat them right, he just wanted to fuck them and be done with them! What the hell made this girl any different? Why on earth did he want her to be more than just a lay? But then he remembered her eyes, green and dazzlingly yet sometimes grey, her adorable shyness and the way she'd had him captivated since the day she'd interviewed him. He knew then letting her walk away would be the biggest mistake of his young life.

"Piper, wait!" he called out, sounding somewhat desperate, before he took off after her, not running but marching at a firm, fast pace. Much to his surprise, Piper did stop, but she didn't turn around. As John drew level with her, he could tell that it was because she didn't want him to see the tears that had tumbled down her cheeks, staining them black with the mascara that had mingled with them. He didn't attempt to turn her around and ignored the tears that littered her cheeks for both her sake and because he didn't like the fact that he had been the cause of them. Knowing this was likely his last shot to get Piper, to convince her he wanted her for more than just sex, John clenched his fists and battled hard to keep his voice calm, free from the harshness that usually lingered in it. "Look I mean it, you're not some prom night lay alright?" he said, voice shaking and still somewhat harsh, yet soft and with a frankness to it that caught Piper off guard and made her turn her head to look at him. Encouraged by this, John smiled and dug around in is pocket, before pulling out his tie and offering it to Piper so that she could wipe at her overflowing eyes. Piper took it from him and did as such, a curious look about her face that assured John she was going to listen to what he had to say. He shoved his hands in his pockets and ducked his head slightly, uncomfortable with retaining eye contact with Piper, the intend way she was looking at him, like she was trying to tear down his walls and work him out. "Look I really like you girl, I'm not expecting anything from you. I just wanna chat, okay? Get to know you, see where that takes us." He muttered, shrugging his shoulders as he spoke. He sounded uncomfortable, nervous even, like it was the hardest thing in the world to say what he'd just said. It was true in part, admitting to Piper that he liked her was one of the hardest things he'd ever admitted to in his life. He didn't like how exposed it made him feel, how vulnerable. He wasn't meant to like girls, he was meant to fuck them and that was it. His honesty however, as hard as it had been, had the desired effect for Piper stepped forward and put her hand on John's forearm. He looked up, her eyes were green again, but not sparkling and she had the faintest hint of a smile on her lips.

"Okay." She whispered, still sounding uncertain. John didn't care, she'd agreed to stay and talk to him, to see where that took them. That was enough for him. He placed his hand over hers and thanked her with the warmest smile he could muter, a smile usually reserved for his mother. Piper's smile grew bigger for his efforts, her eyes began to twinkle. "But I'm leaving if I feel uncomfortable or if you try to push for something I don't want to do." Piper threatened, sounding serious. John gave a soft chuckle, nodded his head.

"Understood." He said, knowing he shouldn't push his luck. Not that he was planning to. No, with Piper he really did just want to talk. He wanted to get to know her, wanted to find out what she loved, what made her tick. He wanted to know everything there was to know about her, especially the story behind those beautiful, dazzling eyes. John laced his fingers with Piper's once again at that, lead her towards the stream. She followed willingly, this time pinned to his side and not trailing behind him uncertainly. She stood so close to him, John could feel the warmth of her skin, even through his shirt. When they reached the stream, Piper beamed and gasped, muttered about how beautiful it was, her eyes on the flowing water, which sparkled in the moonlight. The water reminded John of Piper's eyes and he found himself telling her this, asking her about them and why they changed colour before he could stop himself. Piper went silent, stiff, wrapped her arms around herself. For the longest time she said nothing but then, in a trembling voice that was barely above a whisper, she admitted she shared her fathers eyes and that his, like hers, had been grey for the most part but had turned green when he was happy or excited. John didn't push her for more information; instead he lay his jacket on the grass for her to sit on and swiftly changed the subject. He sat himself down on the grass and after a moment, Piper joined him, sitting atop of his jacket yet as far away from him as she could manage, her nervousness back. For a long time they talked, about anything that came to mind, from movies they loved to vacations they'd been on as children and slowly, but surely, the gap between them closed. The more comfortable Piper got in John's presence, the more assured she was that she wasn't there just for sex, the closer she got to him, shifting a little bit every now and again until the point where she was at his side, her arm brushing against his. Encouraged by this, John wrapped his arm around Piper's shoulders and she leaned against him without hesitation, which mad his heart pound frantically and his lips curve into a goofy sort of grin. To stop Piper seeing such an out of character grin, John rested his head atop of hers. "But you get straight A's! How can you say you aren't that smart?" John gasped as it neared midnight, shocked to his very core by what Piper had just told him. That before her father had died and life at home with her mother became unbearable, she'd had a grade point average of a C, a B at best. She'd struggled – and still did – in many subjects, especially maths and any science based subjects and had to work incredibly hard to get the straight A's she was now known for getting. Her reasoning? She wanted to escape Finley , her mother and the constant grief and pain of her father's death. In her eyes, going away to college was the only way in which she could do that, so she studied hard, joined as many after school clubs as she could knowing that colleges were looking for students with brilliant grades and many extracurricular activities. John had always assumed she was just incredibly intelligent, that her good grades came with ease.

"I just want to get out of here and study photography at some far away college, so I study every chance I get... constantly even. It's the only escape option I have." Piper sighed, shrugging her shoulders indifferently. John couldn't help but wonder if she did anything other than study, if she ever went out or even slept. Her efforts seemed to have paid off however because she said "A couple of colleges have offered me scholarships already." She spoke with such joy and elation that John was certain that she'd be grinning that dazzling smile of hers and that her eyes would be beautifully green and sparkling.

"Ain't no getting out of here for a guy like me; not really." John said. He wasn't a smart guy, at least that's what his grades showed, so he didn't have a hope in hell of getting into college. He could probably get a wrestling scholarship but he knew without doubt that college wasn't for him. As soon as he had graduated from High school, as he'd promised his mother he'd do so, he was going to prospect for the Sons of Anarchy, Tacoma charter. He was already known as somewhat of a hang about so it wouldn't be long after he graduated that he received his prospect cut. He'd have to prospect for at least a year but he planned to make sure he was the best damn prospect the club had ever had so that he didn't have to prospect for longer. And then, once he was fully patched, if he wanted to and his brothers voted it in, he'd be able to transfer elsewhere if he wanted to. Of course chances are he wouldn't do that because it would mean leaving his mother all alone and he didn't want to do that. His mother meant far too much to him. "Maybe if I patch into the Sons, I can transfer to a different charter. Somewhere nice. Wouldn't wanna leave mom though." He explained to Piper, who he'd already told about his plans to prospect for the Sons of Anarchy. She had been surprisingly at ease with this admission despite the fact that the clubs reputation was such that everyone in Finley knew who they were and what they did.

"She really means a lot to you, doesn't she?" Piper said, resting her hand on John's knee as she titled her head up to look at him. She was smiling, soft and tender, and seemed both impressed by and in awe of the fact that he was so unwilling to leave his mother behind.

"Yeah." John nodded gruffly, feeling a little uneasy now that Piper was looking right at him, right into his eyes. "Dad bolted when I was just 4 months old. She's raised me all by herself. I can never thank her enough for all she'd done for me." He explained, a smile forming on his lips. He loved his mother more than anything. She had been heartbroken the day she'd woken up to find her husband of just 6 months and the father of her newborn son gone. There was no note, no explanation and she never heard from him again. He just vanished. John's mother, Renee, could have easily fallen apart after that but she hadn't. She'd instead focussed all her energies into raising her son into a man that was a far cry from the one his father had been. At least that was her intention; John couldn't help but see similarities between him and his old man.

"That's really sweet." Piper said, which shocked John. Sweet wasn't normally a word people associated with him. Cold maybe, callous, brutal or indifferent at best. Never sweet, never anything close to sweet. "What?" Piper scowled as John's face contorted in confusion and disbelief.

"No one's called me sweet before." He admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. But then he grinned, for he'd rather liked being called sweet. Or rather, he liked that Piper had called him sweet. It told him, assured him, that maybe they could take a shot at being together. That maybe, just maybe, they could make it work; the brutal, often cold biker boy that could and would willingly break a mans arm with just a twist of his arm and the shy, unassuming girl with the big, beautiful green eyes that hid herself away from the world and had gone practically unnoticed by everyone. Everyone that is, but John. "I kinda like it." John informed Piper and with that, he ducked down and pressed his lips against hers. Piper kissed him back without hesitation, wrapped her arms around his neck as she parted her lips for him and allowed his tongue the entrance it desired. John wrapped his arms around Piper, rested his hands on her back and allowed them to roam up and down her silk covered skin as he lost himself in the kiss, the taste of Piper's silky lips and the wondrous feeling of butterflies that had formed in his stomach.

John and Piper sat up all night long talking, occasionally kissing and by morning they were very much a couple. John didn't push for anything more, which Piper was thankful for and as the sun rose over Finley , he took her home and dropped her off with a kiss and a promise that he'd never push her to do something she didn't want to and that their relationship could move forward at whatever pace she wanted it too. Piper had just one request, a request that John was more than happy to adhere too, which was that they kept their relationship hidden from their classmates. They did, although anyone with their eyes open could see that there was something going on between the pair. John, who had previously ignored Piper completely, would spent lessons they shared flicking bits off balled up paper at the back of her head in order to grab her attention and get a good look at those big beautiful eyes of hers. Without fail, Piper would turn to glare at him every single time, but her eyes would be green and sparkling, alight with amusement. John would then simply smirk at her, his own eyes smouldering, telling Piper just how gorgeous he thought her to be.

Just a few weeks later, the pair graduated. Piper was named valedictorian and despite her reservations and fears that she'd be booed and taunted by her classmates, she gave a speech during the graduation ceremony. He classmates remained silent throughout however, seemed to be listening to what she was saying, and when she was done, they all clapped and applauded her. But none no more so that John, who got to his feet as Piper's speech ended and clapped and cheered loudly, letting the entire congregation know that Piper was his girlfriend. Of course by then they knew that already; John had made sure to let it be known he'd beat the shit out of anyone who dared to call out cruel and unkind things during Piper's speech.

Piper and John returned to his mother's home after that (where they had spent much of their time together in the weeks since the prom. Renee Lowman adored Piper and was utterly thrilled that her son was finally dating a nice, smart girl and not just sleeping with any slut that came his way.) and found the house empty, save for a note from John's mother that told him she'd had to go and visit her sister in California as she'd broken her leg fallen down the stairs and needed surgery. Upon realising this, Piper announced to John that she was ready to sleep with him and then wandered up to his bedroom without hesitation. John was quick to follow her. As he slowly stripped Piper of her clothes he learnt that he wouldn't be her first, like he'd believed, there had been someone before him. A summer romance of sorts, with a boy she'd given her virginity to without thinking. A boy she confessed, she not only regretted but one that had wiggled around on top of her for less than a minute before cumming and rolling off of her, breaking up with her the next day as he couldn't stand the shame of lasting so short a time. John assured her things wouldn't be the same with him and he took great delight in sending her wild with pleasure, making her scream and writhe beneath him and in making her cum multiple times. When they were done, bodies sore and spent, Piper curled up against his chest sated, contented, and fell asleep. Normally after being with a girl, John would clear out as soon as possible or kick the girl out of his room as soon as he was done. He didn't let them linger and nor did he let them curl up against him. Piper was different of course, she was his girlfriend and he really cared for her. He loved the feeling of her curled up against him, the softness of her skin on his, the silkiness of her hair which had tumbled across his torso and the feeling of her shallow breathing against his skin. Before he too, gave into the sweet lull of sleep, John wrapped his arms tight around Piper and pressed a gentle kiss into her sex knotted main. It was in that moment that he realised that Piper was the first woman he'd ever made love too. Sure he'd fucked dozen's of girls, maybe hundreds, but there had never been any feeling there, it had just been sex. With Piper there was feeling, a damn good amount of it too and so sex with her wasn't fucking, it was making love. In fact with Piper, there was love; love that was all consuming and wonderful and stronger than any feeling John had dared to have before. He loved Piper, deeply so and knew he'd never stop loving her. He smiled at this realisation before falling asleep and the first words out of his lips come morning were _I love you_. A sentiment Piper didn't hesitate in returning.

_**SAMCRO**_

_**February 1990**_

A few months after they graduated, John became a more notable hang about at the SAMTAZ clubhouse while Piper, to John's immense surprise settled herself at Washington State University, less than 30 kilometer's from Finley . Her reasoning had been simple; they had offered her the best scholarships, the course she'd been doing there was best suited for her needs and best of all, she still got to see John every weekend. John had protested against her going to Washington State, certain she was only doing it for the sake of their relationship but was soon convinced otherwise when Piper spent no less than two hours going over all scholarships and explaining to him why the one from Washington State was best. She'd concluded by assuring John that by the time she graduated, she'd have the skills and qualifications behind her that would allow her to go anywhere in the world. John couldn't argue with that because he knew she was right and also, because he was damn pleased that she was staying so close to home. He had been dreading the day she moved far away from him, halfway across the country or more and didn't know how they'd be able to hold together a relationship. Not that he'd admit to that. He'd debated the idea of going with her, of prospecting with a different charter of the Sons of Anarchy (for surely wherever she went, there had to be one) and getting a job at a bar, or similar, in order to help pay his way. But then he thought of his mother and had to question whether he could really leave her behind merely so he could remain close to his girlfriend. His mother would insist on him going, this John knew for she adored Piper, but still he didn't like the idea of leaving her behind and even began to wonder if he could get her to move with him. Thankfully, Piper had come to him with the news about Washington State before he'd managed to make a decision.

"Hey Piper." John grinned as he barrelled into her student accommodation a few weeks after Christmas (which they'd spent together at his mother's home as Piper had cut off all ties with her mother). "How you doing girl?" he asked before kissing her firmly on the lips and perching on the edge of her overflowing desk, his fingers digging around in his pocket in search of his cigarette's. He didn't really need to ask Piper how she was doing however; he could see just from looking. Despite the fact that her eyes had lit up at the sight of him, sparkled and gone green, and despite the fact she'd beamed at him like all her Christmases had come at once, he could see just how overworked she was. She was pale, gaunt even and clearly hadn't been eating enough. It was also more than obvious that she'd been raking her fingers through her hair and from the bags under her eyes, that she was getting little in the way of sleep. To make matters worse, if the staggering amount of books on her desk were anything to go by, she wasn't going to catch a decent break from her work any time soon. And yet still, despite being overworked, despite having more to do than she could really handle, Piper sighed off all her work with her elegant signature and a smiley face.

"Swamped, as ever." Piper admitted with a hefty sigh, waving her hand over the books in front of her. She was still beaming though and John knew that that smile was not just because of him, but also because she saw all the hard work she was doing as more than worth it. "You here to save me from that?" Piper asked hopefully, casting aside the pen in her hand before standing and leaning against John, getting right up on her tiptoes so that she could press her lips to his. John chuckled at that - his girl was such a short-ass – before wrapping his arms around her waist and hoisting her up so that her face was level with his. Piper giggled in the most delightful way and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You bet your sweet ass I am." John growled pressing his lips to Piper's before stepping forward, allowing her to wrap her legs around his waist. He moved his hands to her ass before backing her into a wall, which he pinned her against as he drilled into her rough and hard, knowing after a week apart neither one of them wanted him to hold back. Their screams and moans of pleasure echoed loudly in the small dorm room, spurring the both of them on. They ignored the bangs on the door, the cries of protest from Piper's neighbours. Hours later, after the pair had torn through the room in a lusty haze of loud and rough love making, they lay in bed together, spent and sated, watching darkness fall out of the window. For a long time there was a contented silence between the two of them, with John waiting until the moon had risen high in the night sky before he spoke up. "I'm gonna wait until you've finished college to prospect for the Sons." He muttered into Piper's ear, who was curled around his body, her head in the crook of his neck, fingers tracing at the various designs inked on his torso in a lazy sort of way. Piper gasped and jerked upright at once, moving so suddenly and with such force that the thin blanket that had been covering her cascaded to the floor, exposing her bare body to the cool air in the room. She shuddered softly at once, but didn't seem to care of notice.

"But you've been waiting to prospect since you were 13 John!" she cried, eyes wide and grey, full of confusion and locked on him. She scanned his face for a moment, as if looking for some kind of answer before adding "What's brought this on?" At that John sat up, pulled Piper against his chest and wrapped them both up in the blanket that had fallen to the floor. Piper sighed and leaned into him, looked up at him, clearly expecting an answer. John kissed her quick to assure her that was well, and that what he had to tell her wasn't bad news. Well, most of it wasn't.

"My nana just died; she left me a bit of money." He explained gruffly with a swift shrug of his shoulders, making it plain to Piper that he wasn't ready to talk about his nana's death just yet. His nana, his father's mother, had died two days previously. She'd played a large part in her grandson's life despite the fact that his father had walked out of it. She'd been there for him growing up, looking after him whilst his mother worked, sneaking him candy when his mom wasn't looking, taking him on day trips to places like the zoo… But then when John was just ten years old, she'd started to get ill, she started to forget things and was soon diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Drugs would only help her so much, would only prolong her life a few years. She was going to descend into a world where she recognised nothing, where she didn't even know her own grandson; a world in which she'd be alone, a world in which she'd die in. Knowing this, she wrote out a will, leaving what little money she had to John. John had still seen a lot of her at first, but the worse she got, the harder it was for him to see her. His grandmother remembered him long after she'd forgotten everyone else, but eventually, just after John had turned sixteen, she got hysterical and rather violent in his presence after forgetting who he was. Heartbroken, crushed and unable to bear being near her a second longer, John had fled and he hadn't seen his grandmother since. After finding out his nana had died, John deeply regretted this, but was soon put at ease when the care worker that had called to inform him of her death assured him that in her last three yeas of life, she'd neither recognised nor remembered anyone. He was also able to take comfort in the fact that until the day she died, she'd worn the necklace he'd given her for her 70th birthday; she was never able to remember why the necklace meant so much to her, but she knew it did mean something to her and so refused to take it off. "It's enough to buy a little house." John informed Piper, lips twitching into a smile. He and his mom had done the math, worked everything out. After the funeral, paying off his grandmothers medical expenses, as well as paying off the bill for the care home she'd been in (her house had been sold before she'd been admitted to the home) there was enough left over for John to buy a house that was somewhat rundown and fix it up. He'd already found the perfect place, situated exactly half way between his mothers house and Piper's college, it had a huge yard for his girl to fix up (she loved gardening) while having enough room inside for them to have a sizable bedroom as well as plenty of space for John's weights and punch bag. It even had a garage for his bike. Problem was, although it was cheap, it was in dire need of work and wasn't the least bit fit to live in. "I've already found us a great place with a huge ass back yard. It's run down but I'd fix it up real nice while you're at college, deliver pizza's or some shit by night to keep us going. I'll prospect when you graduate." He said in an excited yet gruff whisper. Piper just stared up at him, a smile on her lips and yet a confused and perplexed expression about her face. It was then that John realised that he hadn't asked Piper if she wanted to move in with him, he'd just assumed that he had before rambling on as if she'd agreed. "If you wanna live with me that is?" he asked hastily, his heart pounding frantically as he waited for an answer. Piper hesitated for a moment, a cheeky smile across her lips which kind of upset John because surely she could feel how hard his heart was hammering inside of his chest? She was leaning right up against it after all.

"Of course!" she cried after what felt like the longest time in the world, before throwing her arms around John's neck and kissing him deeply. John was completely caught off guard, so much so that he fell back against the pillows as Piper threw herself at him. Not that he cared, he simply growled and snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her down with him as he kissed her back fiercely. He was so pleased that Piper had agreed to live with him; they may have only been together 8 months but he knew they weren't moving too quickly. Before she'd moved into her student dorm, Piper had practically lived with John and his mother and he was such a frequent visitor to Piper's dorm he might as well have just moved in with her. Both he and Piper were neat freaks and each was as meticulous about money as the other, to the point where they kept track of every single cent they spent. And of course, they were deeply, head over heels in love with one another and knew each other inside out. Living together was going to be wonderful; challenging yes, a real test of their relationship but wonderful nevertheless. "I love you John." Piper grinned, her eyes huge, green and sparkling in delight. John grinned, wide and broad; he never got tired of hearing her say that.

"Love you too Piper." he replied. "Now come back here girl," he added, dragging Piper back down against his lips before flipping her over and having his way with her yet again.

_**SAMCRO**_

_**October 1990**_

By the time Piper had started her second year at college, she and John had managed to turn their dilapidated little house into a home. John had worked flat out almost every day, while Piper was at college, roping in the help of SAMTAZ (who he was still a hang about for, the president understanding his need to wait before he took up a prospect position. He'd been offered the assurance that as soon as he was ready, a prospect cut would be on his shoulders. Normally, such a thing wouldn't be allowed but SAMTAZ were eager to have John on board. They could already tell that he was going to be a great asset to the club.) whenever possible. Pipe's were fixed or replaced, floorboards ripped up, new ones put down, the roof mended, the beat up old staircase restored and the kitchen and bathroom alike completely refitted. Piper helped out whenever she could, spending most of her free time tending to the yard, where she planted flowers, put down tree's and had decking put down so that she and John could sit outside and enjoy hot summer nights. As often as she was able to, Piper dropped into thrift store's, rummaged around in yard sales and even went to the junk yard in search of cheap or unwanted furniture that was in good condition, or could easily be restored to a useable condition. With Renee Lowman's help (who went through her entire home and donated any furniture she didn't want or no longer used to the young couple) it didn't take long for the house to be fully furnished. Despite John's protests, Piper brightened up the place with cute little pillows, wall hangings, brightly coloured throws and all manner of little knickknacks. His protests were soon forgotten when he realized that Piper had hung picture's of Harley's on the walls and littered the shelves and mantel piece with mini models of motorbikes and reaper inspired ornaments. Oddly, these things did not look out of place next to Piper's cute, girly pieces. In fact the contrast worked well, looked right and seemed symbolic of Piper and John's relationship for they were two people so very different yet they worked well together and were very much in love. By the time they finally moved in just a week before Piper started up at college again, their home was finished and in their eyes, utterly perfect. Sure the TV was old and didn't always work, and the stereo was so beat up it was held together by tape, but neither Piper nor John cared. They'd worked hard in turning their little house into somewhere livable and it'd paid off. John found a job at a local bar, he lied about his age in order to get it but no one dared to bring him up on it. They were too scared too; especially since they knew he was associated with the Sons of Anarchy. Together, John's wages and Piper's grants gave the couple just enough money to live on. Things were tight and they saw little of one another but they were happy and that's all that mattered to them.

A few months after they moved in together, in late October, John and Piper went out to celebrate John's 20th birthday. They had so little in the way of money that they only had enough for a take away pizza and a night at the movie theatre. They had an enjoyable night however; the first night off for the both of them in several weeks and they returned home in high sprits. High sprits that were broken as soon as they walked in the door when they realized that their perfect little home had been broken into. The TV had been smashed, much of the furniture had been thrown about the room and all of Piper's ornaments lay broken on the floor. Nothing appeared to be missing and a quick check from room to room assured the couple of this. Only the living room had been destroyed, the rest of the rooms had been virtually untouched save for the fact that someone had obvious gone through them in search of valuables. Piper and John of course, owned nothing of real value but the house itself and John's Harley, which they'd been out on at the time of the break-in, so there was nothing in their home worth stealing. Obviously whoever had broken in had been maddened by this and had smashed up the living room in rage, completely destroying it in the process, all the hard work Piper and John had put in into making their house a home. Both knew at once that it would be a long time before they could turn the mess in front of they back into the home in had once been.

"I can't believe this shit!" John snarled as Piper returned from upstairs, confirming that nothing had been stolen and that only the living room had been vandalised. John barely heard the words, they barely registered in his brain. He was just so enraged he could barely think or function. Someone had dared to break into the house he'd spent his _entire_ inheritance buying and doing up, the house he's spent months turning into a beautiful home that he could share with his girl. His girl… When John dared to think that Piper might have been home alone at the time of the break-in – after all, she was normally home alone until past midnight when he finished his shift at the bar – and what might have happened to her had she been, he only became more enraged. She could have been hurt, she could have been raped, she could have been killed. And he wouldn't have been able to do anything to save her because he would have been at work, doing a job he fucking hated to keep a roof over his and Piper's heads. So angry was John, so clouded by his rage, all he saw was red, all he felt was the need to lash out at someone or something, to wrap his hands around the throat of the motherfucker who'd dared break into his home and strangle the life out of him! But he could do no such thing; the asshole was long gone and he didn't have nearly enough trust in the cops to call them. Instead John settled for grabbing the nearest thing to him – a beyond repair coffee table with a huge hole through the middle and one leg missing – and threw it against the wall with all his might, an furious roar emitting from between his lips as he did so. The table ricocheted off the wall loudly, another of its legs breaking off before it fell to the floor. Next he picked up a vase, the rim chipped, a huge crack running down it's side, and flung that against the wall too. It shattered into dozen's of pieces, which rained down over the broken table, the noise of which was akin to rain and very eerie in the silence of the room. Again and again John threw things at the wall, letting out all his rage, his anger at what had happened to the home he shared with Piper. Piper meanwhile just stood and watched, silent and unwavering. She seemed to know, to understand that John needed this, this mindless, meaningless destruction of their possessions, the broken and useless clutter which had once made up their living room. John finally turned to her when there was no longer anything surrounding him that he could hurl at the wall. "Who the fuck would do this? We had nothing worth stealing so why the fuck smash the place up?" he demanded of her, eyes wide, bulging and ablaze, voice a raspy, feral roar of anger that would have most people cowering behind the nearest thing they could hide behind. A roar that made Piper step towards him and curl a hand firmly around each of his arms. She looked right into his eyes then, through dull grey orbs that were clouded with fear yet sharp with the determination she felt to calm John down. He stared back into her eyes and willed himself to calm down, to let go of all the anger he felt, but he struggled to do so.

"John it doesn't matter." She said, steadily and calmly. The calmness in her voice, the sincerity of that calmness, threw John momentarily. How in the hell could she be so calm? How could she say _it doesn't matter_? Could she not see the mess around her, the shattered remains of what little they had owned? Had she not noticed that all the little ornaments she'd brought, the picture's she'd hung on the walls and the flowers she'd lovingly gathered from the garden to put on display were all now just an unfixable mess that littered the floor? Not understanding or able to grasp her calmness at all, John pushed Piper away from him with as much force as he dared. Piper just stepped backwards and folded her arms, her eyes firmly on John, giving him leave to finish ranting and raving; giving voice to his rage. She'd return to him after a moment, look into his eyes again and attempt to calm him, this John knew. He told himself he wouldn't push her away when she did that; that he'd allow her to calm him down and make him see sense.

"No, it fucking does." John raged as he stepped over what had once been the bookcase that had held all of Piper's textbooks. The bookcase seemed repairable thankfully; Piper's expensive textbooks however, were beyond repair. Pages had been ripped out and torn to shreds, many had been torn in two while others had been dumped in a metal waste bin and set alight. The fire had clearly gone out rather quickly, judging by the damage done to said books, but they were damaged enough to be deemed unusable. Piper would have to replace all her textbooks, dozens of them, many of them costing upwards of $50. John gathered up the spent remains of two of Piper's text books and hurled them in her general direction, taking just enough care to make sure they didn't hit her. "And these book's cost you a fucking fortune Piper!" he barked as he threw the first, voice so loud and strained his words were haggard and ripped his throat raw. "They're you goddamn fucking future! What if you can't replace them, what the hell happens to your future then huh?" John demanded as he threw the second, certain that without her textbooks Piper wouldn't be able to finish college. They didn't have the cash to replace all her books, books that she needed for her course! How was she meant to study without them, how was she meant to finish her course? She just wouldn't be able to, meaning she'd have to drop out and give up on a career as a photographer. John realised then that whoever had broken in had stolen from them after all; they'd stolen Piper's future from her. Something that held more value than any material possession. He was suddenly more determined than ever to get a hold of the guy who'd broken in, to wrap his hands around their throat and strangle the life from them as slowly and painfully as he was able to; all the while making the intruder well aware of the damage they'd done by breaking into his home. Piper gave no answer to John's questions, she simply just stood and waited for his rant to run its course, calm as anything, her arms still folded across her chest, her grey eyes never once leaving him. John envied her calmness, her ability to stay calm and rational when he became so enraged. Yet still he could not calm himself. "I've worked for months trying to make this place nice for you and some asshole has just gone and ruined that!" John barked as he gestured to the mess surrounding him, hating that the months of hard work that he – as well as Piper, his mother and many members of SAMTAZ – had put into the house had all been for nothing. They'd have to start up all over again, only this time things would be harder because they'd be aware of what they'd lost and what had once been.

Piper stepped forward again after that, with more determination to calm him down than before. There was sternness in her grey eyes, which were as hard as steel and bore into him and rendered him silent. Her hands once again wrapped themselves firmly round his arms. John turned away from her at once, brushing her hands aside with a swift sweep of his arm. He may have promised himself he'd hear her out, let her calm him down but he just couldn't. All he could see was red, all he could feel was rage and nothing Piper could say or do was going to make any difference to that. Undeterred, Piper wrapped her arms around John's waist from behind and leaned into him. Without thinking, John placed his hand atop of hers, which were clasped together over his stomach, pressed against his rock hard abs.

"Sweetie it's okay; nothing was stolen, we can replace or fix everything that was broken and we're okay so what else matters?" she whispered, before pressing her lips against John's back, the feathery feel of her lips just about noticeable through his thin t-shirt. John didn't say or do anything, despite knowing she was right – they were okay, _she_ was okay so what the hell else mattered? His breathing still came in haggard, raspy gasps, his fists remained tightly clenched and still, all he saw was red. "Look at me." Piper demanded softly, yet firmly, her tone making it more than plain that she expected John to turn around and look down at her, into those big beautiful eyes of hers. He did just that, but still he remained angry, so much so he was shaking. Piper moved her arms from around his waist and took each of his hands in her own, forcing his clenched fists apart so that she could entwine her fingers with his; something she did with relative ease as John allowed her too. He wanted her to calm him down; he didn't want to be angry anymore. "John." Piper whispered, getting up on her tiptoes so that she could rest her forehead against his and stare right into his eyes. Up close John could see that there was pain in her eyes, the slightest hint of tears. He was upsetting her and he knew it, but not only that; she was just as upset about the break-in as he was, no matter how calmly she might have acted in reaction to it. "Just calm down, it's okay; we'll sort this, alright?" she said slowly, carefully, each word calm and collected, her eyes never once leaving his. Finally John broke, his anger melted away. Not fully, but enough for him to nod his head, enough for him to let go of what happened and start to pick up the pieces of their life so that they could put them back together once again. His anger, undoubtedly, would stay with him until they found the bastard who'd broken into their home, anger that he'd take out on them without hesitation. SAMTAZ would make sure whoever had broken in was found so John pushed his anger to once side for the time being.

"Alright." He agreed, nodding again, that one word such a struggle to say, so difficult after his outbursts of anger that it sounded like it had been dragged from his throat with a razorblade. It was enough though, for Piper smiled – John couldn't see her lips, but he could see her smile in her eyes, which as usual went green. They didn't sparkle like they normally did, a result of all that had happened since they'd returned home no doubt, but they were green and therefore she was happy – and pressed her lips to his. John dropped her hands and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her off her feet as he deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into her sweet mouth. He didn't put her down for a long time.

The night was still relatively young, so John and Piper set about clearing away the mess that their intruder had left behind. Big black bags were dug out of the kitchen drawers and filled, broken furniture was stacked near the front door ready to be taken to the dump the next morning and everything that was deemed repairable was put to one side. Before long it was obvious that things weren't as bad as they seemed; only the coffee table and one of the chairs were unfixable and Piper's textbooks were the most expensive things that needed replacing – and even then, that wouldn't be too much of a problem as Piper's college had a special fund for people who'd lost their books due to reasons beyond their control such a robbery's and fire. Most of her little ornaments had been cheap finds in thrift stores so she could easily hunt out more and many of the pictures that had been torn from the walls simply needed their glass replacing. It wouldn't take that long at all to turn their little house back into the home it had once been.

As they were winding down for the night – Piper sweeping up the remnants of their destroyed possessions while John carted all the bags of rubbish outside – John remembered what he'd plan to do once they'd arrived home, had they not come back to such destruction. Despite all that had happened, now seemed as good a time as ever to go through with his plans, for after all, they needed some light on such a dark night, some happiness to break through the anger and the hurt left in the wake of the break-in.

"Do me a favour girl?" John drawled somewhat sheepishly as he retuned from taking the last of the rubbish bags outside. Piper stopped what she was doing and smiled.

"Sure." She said with a nod of her head, before leaning her broom against the wall. John hesitated for a moment, unsure and nervous, worried suddenly that she'd react differently than he hoped. Piper tilted her head to the side in curiosity; her smile grew wider at his uncertainty. "John?" she said, as if believing that he had forgotten that he'd asked her for a favour. That stirred something in John; courage and determination, put a smile back on his lips. Albeit a nervous one. He dug around in his pocket and produced a piece of paper, one that was neatly and carefully folded into quarters. He passed it to Piper without opening it.

"Tell me what you think of my latest sketch." He asked as he pressed the piece of paper into Piper's hands. She gave an odd sort of laugh, clearly bewildered why he'd struggled to ask her what she thought of a sketch – something he did rather frequently – but nevertheless took the paper from him.

"Of course." She beamed before carefully unfolding the paper and glancing down at the sketch that adorned it. It took her all of about a second to grasp what the picture was, what it meant, what it asked of her and then she gasped, hand going over her heart, eyes wide, green, glittering and full of tears. "John…" she gasped, looking at John, the smile on her lips bigger and more dazzling than he had ever seem it, her entire being quivering with the intensity of the joy she felt. Joy that had been caused by the sketch that was still clutched in her hand. In John's eyes it was one of his best pieces. He'd been working on it for weeks, had taken care to make sure each detail was perfect. The sketch was of Piper, standing happy and proud in front of a church clutching a beautiful spray of flowers. She was wearing a wedding dress, a beautiful one that hugged her body in a classy sort of way and made her look even more stunning than she already was. On her head, a tiara that glittered as much as her big green eyes. On her left ring, a wedding ring.

"I ain't good at all this romantic shit." John shrugged before placing his hands on Piper's shoulders, smiling down at her as he looked deep into her eyes. The sketch was about as romantic as he got, and even that was inspired by something he'd overheard at work. He chosen his birthday as the day to propose to Piper because if Piper expected a proposal from him at all (which he doubted that she did) she'd never expect it to come on his birthday. All in all John thought he'd done pretty well for himself, considering he wasn't a romantic man. "So I'll just tell you that I love you and that I want to marry you." He added tenderly before ducking down to press a chaste kiss to Piper's lips. Chaste only because he wanted an answer from her as soon as possible. His eagerness for a reply, the way his heart thumped nervously in his chest came as a surprise to him – he'd not expected to want her answer so badly. But then he'd always been set against marriage, he'd decided from a very young age that it wasn't for him. Why on earth would you want to tie yourself to the same person for all eternity? It didn't make any sense, surely you'd grow bored of them before too long? And then what? Arguments, divorce, unhappiness. But with Piper things were different; she was all he could see of tomorrow and a woman he could see himself spending the rest of his life with. Hell, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, he wanted to grow old with her – he just couldn't picture life without her in it. Something he'd come to realise just days after they'd moved in together. It was then that he'd realised he wanted to marry Piper.

"You know it's customary to _ask_ a girl if she'll marry you." Piper said with a giggle, an expect look about her face, her lips curved in amusement. John couldn't help but chuckle at that; he knew Piper better than he knew himself, how had he not realised that she both expected and wanted him to actually ask her to marry him? Picture's of her as a bride on paper were not enough, not for her.

"I wouldn't do this shit for anyone but you girl, you know that?" he scolded, waving a finger at her. Piper just beamed at him. John tutted and rolled his eyes, but dug around in his pocket once again, pulling out an engagement ring. It was adorned with bits of fluff from the bottom of his pocket as he'd not bothered with keeping it in it's box, so he hastily blew this off before holding out the ring to Piper. He'd not get down on one knee or take her hand in his; that wasn't for him, saying the words was more than enough as far as he was concerned. Not that Piper seemed to care; she was staring down at the ring in awe, the tears in her eyes now dripping down her cheeks, her hands clasped in front of her mouth as if she was holding in her answer. "Will you marry me Piper?" John asked, tenderly and yet with his usual gruffness. He could do nothing about the smile on his lips, which seemed to determined to remain right where it was.

"Yes! You know I will." Piper cried happily as she nodded her head, her voice shaking. Words lost to him, his mind suddenly overwhelmed by happiness, all John could do in that moment was slip the engagement ting on Piper's left ring finger. It was a perfect fit, snug around her dainty little finger but before he had a chance to admire the sight of it Piper had thrown herself into his arms and kissed him hard on the lips. John of course, enveloped her in his arms and kissed her back with as much passion as he could muster, the only though in his head being: _this girl is going to be my wife_! He'd never had a happier thought. "Isn't this your mom's engagement ring?" Piper asked once she was finally back on her feet again, her eyes having gone straight to the ring on her finger.

"She wanted you to have it." John said with a nod of his head. His mother had been married to his father before he'd fled, never to return. John was certain his father had never intended to marry his mom, but had felt pressured to do so because he'd knocked her up. He hadn't even brought the ring he'd given her (white gold with a pink diamond, not his mother's tastes at all. She preferred yellow gold and wasn't a fan of pink at all. Ironically though, the ring was perfect for Piper) it had been brought by a friend of his, who really wanted to marry the girl he was seeing. She'd turned him down however and left him at the same time, so the friend had passed the ring onto John's father as he felt it would be too painful both to sell it or to keep it. Renee Lowman had taken the ring, as well as her wedding ring off the same day John's father had fled. She may have been head over heels in love with him but she wasn't stupid; she knew he wasn't going to return. The ring had been tucked away in her jewellery box since then but the second she'd gotten wind that her son planned to propose to Piper, she'd dug it out and passed it onto him, insisting that he give it to her. John could never thank his mother enough for such an offering; he'd never be able to afford a ring like that on his own.

"I can't wait to thank her!" Piper gushed, her eyes still on the ring. John was certain this would happen sooner than Piper expected; his mother was just as eager as he had been to hear Piper's answer and would likely be knocking on their door first thing in the morning. John really hoped he and Piper weren't still going at it when she arrived… "Will you do _me_ a favour John?" Piper asked suddenly, stirring John from his thoughts.

"Depends what it is." John drawled roughly, a smirk playing about his lips. From the way Piper was grinning at him, John was certain she'd asking for a sexual favour which of course, he'd be more than willing to do.

"Prospect for the Sons." Piper said, which startled John. He knew of course, that she wasn't too happy about the fact that he'd put off prospecting in order to live with her and keep them going but he'd never imagined that she'd actually ask him to take up a prospect position whilst she was still in college. How was he meant to support them if he was prospecting? He couldn't work and he knew damn well that prospects didn't always get paid for the work they did within the club – it varied charter to charter, prospect to prospect. He didn't argue with what Piper had said however, he just captured her lips with his, picked her up and carried her to their bedroom.

As it turned out, Piper had sought out the president of SAMTAZ and requested that John be allowed to keep his job when he prospected, and that he not be dragged from it on club duty unless his presence was really needed. Normally, such a request – from a woman no less – would be undoubtedly ignored by SAMTAZ but membership was flagging, a war with the Mayan's had left them with just four members. They needed new prospects as all the one's they'd had had given up their positions during the Mayan war. So Piper's request was considered, voted on and agreed on. They'd agreed simply because they knew John well enough to know just how good he would be for the club once he was patched in, as he'd been a hang about for years now. Of course John was taunted something fierce about what Piper had done once he started his prospect year but he handled it with good grace.

Repairing all the damage that had been done to their home took John and Piper just a few short weeks and slowly, over time, the things that had been destroyed began to be replaced. Piper soon started filling their home with little knickknacks once again, picture's were soon back on the walls, furniture fixed or replaced. John's mother and SAMTAZ again helped and just as Piper had said, she was able to get a grant from her college to replace all the books that had been destroyed during the break-in. The sketch of Piper in a wedding dress was framed and hung, pride of place, above the mantel piece. John signed it and wrote upon it the words '_Will you marry me Piper?_' Piper scrawled a '_Yes_!' under that and sighed it in her usual way, with an elegant signature and a smiley face.

As John expected, his mother turned up the next morning before the sun had fully risen, luckily not long after he had Piper had fallen asleep. She was absolutely elated that Piper had said yes and began making frantic wedding plans at once, plans that John and Piper both soon put a stop too. Neither of them wanted a big fancy wedding; they just wanted something small, something that officially made them man and wife. Piper had no family and just a few friends she wanted to see her get wed and John only wanted his mother, his aunt and a handful of friends at the ceremony. After much debate and Renee's total refusal to allow her son to get married at City Hall, the trio agreed on a small, outdoor ceremony at the same spot in which John had taken Piper after the prom. A month later John and Piper – who was wearing a beautiful wedding dress not dissimilar to the one John had drawn her in, a dress that his mother had sold a diamond necklace to pay for, a dress than made her look more beautiful than John could ever have imagined – married in front of that little stream that sat in front of after the prom, under the glow of hundreds of fairy lights that had been wrapped around the bare tree's. Less than a dozen guests attended the ceremony, with John's fellow prospect Herman Kozik acting as best man and Renee filling in for the father of the bride at Piper's request. Piper clutched a bouquet of flowers in all manner of different shades of pink and white, some of which had been threaded into her hair which had been curled and pinned up for the occasion. Snow fell lightly around them as they said their vows but neither Piper nor John felt the cold for all they were aware of was one another. There was no money for a reception so John and Piper shared their first dance as man and wife right there in front of the stream; nether knew what song they were dancing to for the simply stared into one another's eyes the entire time and swayed together to the music. After that they, as well as their small wedding party, headed to a little restaurant where they had dinner. It was there that the couple found out that everyone had chipped in to send them on a honeymoon and before they knew it, the happy couple were on a place, off to spend a week in Florida. They didn't see much of Florida in that week, just the inside of their hotel room. When they returned their wedding picture's sat waiting for them on their bed, left there no doubt by John's mother. In every single one of them, Piper and John stared lovingly at one another, even in the ones where they'd been asked to look at the camera. It was like they hadn't been able to keep their eyes off of one another.

_**SAMCRO**_

_**December 1991**_

Late 1991 was a good time for Piper and John. In September Piper started her last year of college and was offered a job by a magazine in California, one that she didn't have to start until she'd graduated. John patched into the Sons of Anarchy and a few visits to the mother charter in Charming, California told him he'd been more than welcome to transfer there once Piper started up her photography job (the company she was due to work for was based just 30 miles outside of Charming). Renee even agreed to move from Washington to California so that she'd remain close to her son and daughter-in-law. John patching into the Sons meant he was suddenly making enough money to drop his job as a bar tender. Things were still tight for the couple on occasion, but neither cared. Life was good; they were happily married and as in love as ever, money would stop being an issue once Piper graduated, John was finally doing something he loved and best of all, their sex life was better than it had ever been! Of course, life being what it is, it didn't take long for things to change.

It was a cold, snowy winter's morning when John arrived home to find Piper curled up on the couch, stark white and wide awake, looking more terrified than he had ever seen her. It was more than obvious she'd sat up waiting for him – he'd been on a protection run with the club, making sure a shipment of guns got to Charming safety – and John was immediately incredibly concerned for his wife. He didn't even bother to take off his boots and cut at the door, like her normally did, he just rushed to Piper's side and dropped down onto the couch beside her. Piper curled around him at once, her arms tight around his waist, her face buried in the crook of his neck. She was cold, shaking and her cheeks were damp with tears. John immediately enveloped her in his arms and pressed a reassuring kiss into her hair. It did little to calm her.

"What's the matter girl? Talk to me." John said urgently, his voice raspier than usual with concern and the desperate need to find out what was wrong with his wife. It wasn't like her to be this scared; she was the calm one after all, the one who saw sense and reason and was able to handle any situation better than he was. Whatever had upset her, shaking and scared her to the point where she was a terrified, quivering heap of tears in his arms had to be very bad indeed. And if it had done this to her, then what the hell was it going to do to John? He almost didn't want to know because he knew with near certainty that whatever Piper told him would mess him up even worse than it had messed her up.

Piper was silent for a long time, occasionally drawing in deep and haggard breathes as if she was trying to draw in the courage to tell John what had upset her so. Each second that passed drove John even more insane with worry but he stayed silent, waited for Piper to speak up, knowing that the words would come to her eventually. After what seemed like hours, but had really been less than five minute's, Piper dragged herself from the safety and comfort of the crook of John's neck and looked up at him, straight into his eyes. Her own eyes were ringed red, greyer than he had ever seen them, so awash with tears it was like they were made of glass.

"I've skipped a period John." She whispered, in a voice so hoarse and inaudible that John almost didn't hear. He did though, and soon the words were ringing in his ears, louder and louder, more shrill each time they repeated. _I've skipped a period John. _Piper was pregnant, or rather, she might be. Immediately it was clear why Piper had been so upset. They'd never really talked that much about the possibility of having children together but when they had, John had made it more than clear that he was nowhere near ready to be a father. They'd only been married a year, were both barely 21 and could only just keep themselves afloat money wise. To make matters worse Piper still had over six months to go at college and John was a Son, one that had no idea how to be a father because he'd never had a father in his life to set an example for him. He didn't even know if he actually wanted kids! They seemed like such a pointless hassle; messy and expensive, totally consuming every part of your life. Who the fuck would want that?

"What?" John stammered out, brutal and harsh, his hands pushing Piper away from him before he knew what he was doing. Piper's face fell, but she looked as though she'd been expecting it for she didn't start sobbing and nor did she try and return to his arms. John found himself almost offended by that; he wanted Piper to try and return to his arms, wanted to hold her again and drink in the reassurance and comfort that having her in his arms brought him. Yet he was angry, so angry with Piper over the fact that she might be pregnant despite the fact that they took great care to avoid such a thing happening and that if she was to have a baby, he was just as much to blame as she was. "You shitting me girl?" he asked, clinging onto some futile hope that maybe this was all some kind of joke. He knew that it wasn't though; practical jokes weren't Piper's thing and the terror on her face was painfully real.

"No." she squeaked miserably, shaking her head, eyes on the floor. John wished she'd look up at him; maybe then he could make sense of what was happening, how it had happened. He knew of course, that condom's weren't 100% effective and guessed that they'd just gotten unlucky but that still didn't stop him from being angry, for putting all the blame for what had happened on Piper.

"I'm getting you a goddamn test." John snapped gruffly, leaping to his feet again and marching out the door without a backwards glance. He slammed the front door so hard that the glass inside of it rattled, threatening to fall right out and shatter on the snow covered ground below. It didn't, the door remained solid and whole and yet it did nothing to conceal the sounds of Piper's anguished sobs. They cut through John like knifes, sharp and painful, rusty and jagged. They urged John to return inside, to comfort his wife and tell her everything was going to be okay but he just couldn't bring himself to do so. He needed some time to think, to sort his head out and see where he stood with the possibility that Piper was having a baby. So he jumped on his bike and headed towards the store, his head such a mess on the way he was surprised that he didn't crash. By the time he was wandering up and down the aisles looking for pregnancy tests (he wasn't about to ask some idiot clerk where to find them) he'd calmed down considerably and was thinking a lot more rationally than he had been when Piper had first confessed she'd skipped a period. He knew he shouldn't be angry at Piper for missing her period, for possibly being pregnant, and nor should he blame her either. It wasn't her fault, not at all, and if he should be mad at anyone, it should be the goddamn condom company! Still that didn't change the fact that Piper might be pregnant and that they weren't in any way ready for a kid. Not at all. They were too young and too broke, they'd not be able to handle the addition of a screaming, smelly, time and money consuming newborn baby that would dominate their lives from the very day it was born until the end of their lives. If Piper was pregnant then she'd have to do something about it, would have to get rid of the thing because they just couldn't have a kid. Not now and maybe not ever – John still had no idea if he even wanted kids despite the fact that the possibility he might soon be having one had been suddenly thrown in his face. With so much going through his mind - his anger at what had happened, the shock of it all, the suspense of not knowing, Piper's despair and his inner struggle over whether to comfort her – he just didn't have the chance the even begin wondering of he ever wanted to be a father.

After buying a few different brands of tests (he wanted to be absolutely sure that Piper either was or wasn't pregnant) John rode home and thrust the paper bag of tests at Piper without a word. He just didn't know what to say. Piper still looked utterly anguished: lost, terrified and dejected, her eyes bloodshot and ringed red, stark face littered with tears both fresh and dried. Yet he found he could not comfort her, could not put his arms around her and wipe away her tears until he knew for certain, one way or a another, if she was having a baby.

Looking even more anguished still for the fact that John had said not a word to her upon his return, Piper disappeared into the bathroom clutching the bag full of tests like her life depended on it. John followed and lingered outside, perching at the top of the stairs, his head in his hands as he tried to come to terms with what had happened, at how suddenly his perfect little life with Piper had been thrown into chaos and uncertainty.

"Well?" he demanded as soon as Piper reappeared from inside the bathroom, his tone still harsh but softer than before, with a hint of the tenderness that was usually in his voice when he spoke to Piper. Piper, who seemed beyond tears now, just dropped the tests onto the floor next to John before dropping to her knee's dismally, her face blank and emotionless, her eyes grey and glassy, filled with shock and pain. John knew, without having to look at the tests, that they had all come out positive.

"They're all positive." Piper confirmed dismally, her voice far-off and completely deadpan. John nodded his head but didn't turn to look at Piper, he just picked up one of the tests and stared down at it, his eyes seeing nothing but the little pink plus sign that confirmed that his baby grew within Piper's belly. _His baby._ He'd not thought if it like that before, he'd just thought of the possibility that Piper was going to have _a_ baby but never _his_ baby. _His baby._ The words repeated themselves again and again in John's head until he could think of little else. _His_ baby was growing inside of Piper, a baby that could one day grow to be a son or a daughter if they allowed it too. But they couldn't allow it too! Of course they couldn't, they weren't ready for a baby. They were far too broke and far too young for a kid, they had so much else going on in their lives – jobs, college, the Sons – that they just didn't have the time for a baby. Piper had to get rid of it. John turned to Piper, intent on telling her that, but the words stuck in his throat when he caught sight of her. She was as pale as ever, shaking and convulsing with the sobs she was trying in vain to keep inside, tears were streaming fast and free from her red ringed eyes once again and she was making no effort to wipe them away. To top it all off her left hand cradled her flat stomach lovingly, almost protectively. John was certain Piper wasn't aware that she'd one such a thing. "I'm so sorry John… I don't know how this could've happened, we're so careful." Piper wept, shaking her head vigorously the second she caught sight of John staring at her. John opened and closed his mouth a few times, but his words remained stuck deep in the back of his throat – not that he knew what he should say. He just couldn't help but think that under Piper's hand, safely encased inside of her womb, grew his baby. _His baby._ He really hated how he couldn't get those thoughts out of his head for he knew damn well that Piper had to abort it! "I… I'll get rid of it… we can't…" Piper blurted out, words tumbling over one another as she fought to get them out. Words she so obviously didn't want to be saying. John didn't doubt for a second that Piper wanted to keep their unborn child, that her maternal instincts had kicked in big time the second she'd looked down at those tests and realised they were positive. Piper wanted to be a mother but problem was, John still didn't know if he wanted to be a father. And he knew that they just weren't ready to be parents. "I mean I'm still in college and we struggle enough as it is." Piper reasoned tearfully, more to herself than John, as she pushed herself to her feet and headed past John and down the stairs, going no doubt, to search for the phone book so that she could find the number of a local abortion clinic. John found himself almost completely overwhelmed with the desire to reach out and take hold of her hand, to stop her going down the stairs, to tell her he didn't want her to get rid of their baby at all. He didn't, in fact he had barely moved a muscle since turning to face Piper in the first place. "I'll get rid of it." She repeated as she passed John, her voice deadpan once again, determined and yet shaking as much as she was.

In that moment something inside of John snapped, something changed and he realised he couldn't let Piper kill their baby. Jesus Christ that was _their_ baby, a little boy or girl that would be a miniature version of them. Sure, maybe they weren't quite ready yet, maybe they didn't have the money or time to support a baby but why did that matter? Their child grew inside of Piper's belly, a child they'd created together out of their love. They'd work out a way to give the kid the life it deserved. John didn't care what he had to ensure his kid had a good life, he'd fucking do it. He wasn't his father; he wasn't going to turn his back on his kid or end its life. He was going to do the right thing by his wife and stay at her side, be the father his own father had never been. He still didn't know if he really wanted to be a father but that no longer mattered. He was going to be a father, end of story, and so he had to step up and do what he had to do.

"Piper." He called out, just as Piper reached the bottom of the stairs. Piper stopped at once but she didn't turn to face John, so he leapt to his feet and ran down the stairs too her. He stepped in front of her and offered her a sweet, if rather uncertain smile and wrapped one arm around her back, rested his forehead against hers, something he wasn't normally able to do but as Piper was still on the bottom stair, she was taller than usual. "That's _our_ _baby_ you're talking about girl." He drawled, his voice raspier than usual with a mixture of his uncertainties, his fears and the joy he felt at saying the words _our baby_. His doubts about being a father still very much plagued him, but it'd been nice to say that all the same, to admit out loud that he and Piper were going to have a kid. "We'll work this shit out babe, we'll find a way to give this kid the life it deserves." John went on, giving more weight to his words by ducking his hand under Piper's shirt and placing his hand against her warm, flat stomach. For a moment Piper just continued to stare at him, looking lost and forlorn but then she smiled, lips curving up just a little, and a glimmer of hope appeared in her eyes.

"Yeah?" she asked uncertainly, her throat so raw from the tears she'd wept she sounded as though she smoked as much as John did. She really sounded as if she didn't believe him, which surprised John. He never lied to his wife, not ever. Sure he told her nothing about his life with the Sons of Anarchy but she didn't ask because she didn't want to know. It was how their relationship worked. But of course, John had reacted less than well when Piper had announced she's missed a period, he'd made it more than obvious he wasn't happy about the fact that she might be knocked up and he hadn't tried to reason with, or stop her as she ranted on about 'getting rid of it'. She really truly believed he wanted her to end the life inside of her and so she should; until moments ago it'd been true. "You mean that?" At that John attempted to widen his smile, to remove the uncertainties from it so that he could give Piper the assurance that she needed.

"I ain't my dad, I'm not gonna run away from my kid or convince it's mother to kill it, when it's obvious she doesn't wanna do anything of the sort." John said hoarsely with a shrug of his shoulders. Piper looked anything but reassured so John gave her stomach a gentle rub, coughed in order to loosen up his voice a little and make it sound less rough than it did. "That's _my_ kid growing in your belly girl and I'm gonna look after you both, alright?" he said determinedly in as an affectionate voice he could muster.

"Alright." Piper said, nodding her head ever so slightly. She smiled softly, her eyes glittered in happiness but they were not the bright and beautiful green they normally turned when she was happy. She obviously still had her reservations about John's assurances that he wanted their unborn child. "Are you sure this is what you want though, a baby?" she asked, chewing on her lip in anticipation, her voice oozing uncertainty. John gave a gravely, hearty chuckle at that. No he wasn't sure if he wanted a baby, not in the least bit, but he was sure that doing the right thing by his wife and unborn child was what he wanted to do. And that was enough. For now at least. Maybe in time he'd know if a child was what he wanted.

"Shit Piper, when I married you I knew kids would come along eventually." He said honestly. He wasn't stupid, when he'd asked Piper to be his wife he did so knowing she wanted to be a mother one day. He knew sooner or later, the notion of having children would come up but he'd counted on it happening later so that he could have the time to access whether he wanted kids. Still, that hadn't stopped him from picturing his future with Piper on their wedding day; from seeing her making breakfast with a swollen belly while a boy of about 4 or 5 years old, with a striking resemblance to his mother, dashed around the kitchen in his fathers cut, pretending to be on a motorcycle. In this scene John pictured himself wandering in moments later, scolding his son mockingly for wearing his cut before wrapping his arms around Piper from behind and telling her that he loved her as he felt the life within her move. "Wouldn't have married you if I didn't want that to happen." He added, as he wondered if his wedding day fantasy would become a reality. As he considered it, he realised that maybe there was more truth in that last phrase than he realised… "It'll be a miniature version of me; how bad can that be?" he concluded with a coarse snigger and a shrug of his shoulders.

Finally Piper smiled, real and broad, before laughing heartedly. She practically lit up as she laughed and her eye's so bright and green they almost overwhelmed John. She was the embodiment of happiness in that moment, in a state of bliss over her impending motherhood leaving John certain he'd made the right choice in telling her not to kill their baby.

"My guess? Very bad." She said between laughs before wrapping her arms around John's neck and kissing his cheek to show that she'd been kidding.

"Funny." John drawled sarcastically, although he was grinning. He held Piper tight and close for a moment, breathing in her sweet smell, enjoying the feel of her body pressed up against his when suddenly, something brilliant occurred to him. "And hey, at least your tits will get bigger!" he chuckled, his eyes lighting right up at the realisation that Piper's tit's would grow in size as a result of her pregnancy. Her tits were currently quite small, although this was something John didn't really notice as they were in proportion to the rest of her body. Both during and after her pregnancy however, they'd be much bigger! He couldn't wait to get his hands on them.

"Who says you'll get anywhere near my bigger tits?" Piper asked, drawing back away from John before putting her hands on her hips and cocking her eyebrow in question. John just smirked; Piper looked damn sexy like that, when she was trying to be all authoritative and mean. "I'm pregnant; I might not want sex." She teased with a twinkle of amusement in her eye, her finger waving ain John's direction as if she was scolding him.

"Now that's just cruel, woman!" John rasped with a shake of his head. He really hoped Piper was joking because he could barely manage to go a few days without having his way with her. Normally the first thing he did when he got home from a run was push Piper against the wall and practically fuck her right into it… "Hey!" he cried, as Piper started to make her way back up the stairs. Piper turned and grinned in question, looking down right devilish despite the fact that her eyes were still ringed red from her previous tears. "You still do want sex right? Cause I don't think I could go too long without being buried in that fine little body of yours!" he called up to her.

"Where the hell do you think I'm going, the pantry?" Piper laughed, a look in her eyes that made it clear to John that she was heading for their bedroom and that she was expecting to be fucked utterly senseless.

"Oh hell yes!" John barked jubilantly, charging up the stairs with such speed he totally bypassed Piper and was in their bedroom, sprawled out in their bed before she had even reached the top of the stairs. "Yo, hurry it up Mrs Lowman! Get your fine ass in here so I can do shit to it." He yelled impatiently, unbuckling his belt as he waited for Piper to appear.

A check up at the doctors a few days later confirmed that Piper was indeed pregnant and that she was already two months along. There, Piper was given her first scan which allowed her and John to both see their unborn child and hear it's heartbeat for the first time. Both moved Piper to tears but the effect of them was lost on John. The heartbeat sounded weird and unnatural and their baby looked like little more than a peanut that a person. So that's what he called it. At a later scan, the life inside of Piper looked more like a baby but as the doctors weren't able to determine the sex (the baby was laying at an awkward angle) John continued to refer to it as peanut for he couldn't call it 'he' or 'she'.

As the months rolled on, Piper's stomach (and tit's) slowly started to swell as the life inside of her grew. Piper clearly loved the life within her and immediately began preparing for its arrival despite the fact that they'd decided not to tell anyone she was expecting until she was more than 5 months along. She informed a few of her college lecturers that she was expecting and made plans with them to work harder than ever so that she'd be finished with her course before the baby arrived. The company that had offered her a job upon her completion of her college course were willing to postpone her start date so that she had the time to recover, to settle into motherhood and to arrange childcare. This pleased John immensely. Piper's pay on such a job, as well as the increased amount of money he'd make with SAMCRO both as part of the club and as a mechanic for Teller-Morrow would mean money wouldn't be as tight as he'd originally feared. With childcare costs though, they'd still struggle to meet ends meet. Knowing that moving was imminent; the couple put their home (which had nearly doubled in value as a result of all the work John had put into it) on the market and started looking for a place to live in Charming. SAMCRO's pull in Charming was such that they were able to start moving into their new home before they'd sold their old one. The couple lived between their two homes, going back and forth as needed for they were not able to move to Charming permanently until Piper had finished her course. Piper soon set about decorating their new home, turning one of the three bedrooms into a nursery (the other spare room became, like the spare room in their first home, John's gym). She painted it in gender neutral colours and began her hunt for the best crib she could afford. A chest of drawers soon followed, which were filled with tiny little onesies, pairs of socks, booties and little hats.

Piper frequently cradled and talked to her expanding stomach, sometimes on occasions even singing to it. She wanted the baby to know her voice and from what Piper said, the baby was happy to respond as she chatted away to it. It would kick and squirm within her, more so the more it grew. She tried to encourage John to talk to the baby too, to feel it move around but John refused. He was adamant that the baby couldn't hear him in there, so what was the point of talking to it? Especially when he didn't know what to say – what sort of things could you say to a foetus that had no fucking clue who you were or what you were saying? And he didn't want to feel the baby moving and kicking either, it was just too fucking weird for his liking. In reality, John neither talked to the baby nor felt it move and kick for still, he was unsure if he wanted to be a father. Try as he might, he couldn't bond at all with his unborn child; to him, it was little more that the peanut which he'd named the thing after. Even as Piper approached her sixth month of pregnancy, John still questioned whether he wanted to be a father and still had no bond with the life that grew inside of his wife. Not that he told Piper this; he made sure to make he seem like he couldn't wait for the arrival for the stupid little peanut.

Some nights however, unknown to Piper, when John couldn't sleep, he'd roll out of bed and go outside to the yard and have a cigarette or two, before returning to the bedroom and perching on the edge of the bed, adjacent to Piper's swollen stomach. He'd put his hand on it and will himself to bond with the life within, to find a connection with it so that he could be honest with Piper when he said he was excited about its arrival and so that finally, he could tell himself in all honestly that he wanted to be a father. Nothing happened though (especially since not once did he feel the baby move) at least not until Piper was well into her fifth month of pregnancy, just a few days before they were due to tell his mother that she was soon to be a grandma. As usual, John returned from the yard and perched on the edge of the bed, before putting his hand on Piper's stomach. Nothing happened for the longest time and John almost just gave in and went to bed, but then something inside of him made him decide it was time to speak up, to talk to Piper's bump in the hopes that maybe, the baby could hear him. _Hey peanut_ was all he said at first, feeling utterly idiotic doing so. _I'm your dad_ he added after a sort while, feeling even more idiotic. The baby after all, couldn't hear him and couldn't understand him either! Before the words were even out of his mouth however, the baby suddenly moved. In fact it more than just moved; a little lump, that could be a foot or an elbow, rose up and then disappeared again right where John's hand sat. He couldn't help but gasp in shock, especially when the baby did it again. It was then that he finally felt it; that connection he'd been trying so hard to find, a rush of love for his unborn child and the knowledge that he really, truly wanted to be a father. The next morning, when John told Piper that he couldn't wait for the day that peanut arrived it was the first time he did so honestly. Piper grinned when he did and told him she knew he'd come around eventually. John had no idea at all how she'd known he'd been lying up until then, but he didn't question it, he just pulled his wife too him and kissed her hard on the lips.

Despite her pregnancy and ever-growing bump, Piper's sex drive remained relatively high, not as high as it usually was but high enough for John's liking. Her bump may have freaked him out, but he still found her as beautiful and sexy as ever, especially since her tit's kept getting bigger. Bets of all however was that every single day, even through the bad days, the morning sickness, the weird cravings and the days where she felt huge, Piper had the biggest smile on her lips. She was happier than he'd ever seen her.

_**SAMCRO**_

_**April 1992**_

Piper was almost six months pregnant when John finally told his mother that she was going to be a grandmother. By then, Piper had finished all her college work and their house in Washington had been sold meaning they were in the process of completing their move to Charming. John was yet to patch from SAMTAZ to SAMCRO but he knew without a doubt that such a decision would be voted both unanimously and in his favor, especially since many members had been patched into or over to SAMTAZ since he'd started prospecting. The club no longer needed him to keep up numbers.

John mother of course, had been furious at her son when he let her know just how far along his wife was in her pregnancy; she was infuriated that she hadn't been told sooner. Her fury however, didn't last long at all. She soon grabbed hold of her son and planted a kiss on his cheek, jabbering away excitedly about becoming a grandmother as she did so. She understood the couple's need to feel safe enough in the pregnancy before they went round telling everybody about it. She soon started to make plans for all the things she was going to make and buy for her first grandbaby leaving John feeling rather overwhelmed. He made his escape as Renee started drawing up lists of all the different types of wool she'd need to buy in order to make the blanket she had in mind. Despite such an overwhelming visit, John came away from it in a very good mood indeed; his mother had promised to baby-sit for the couple during the hours Piper was at work once she too was settled in Charming, meaning they'd saved hundreds of dollars in childcare costs a week.

"Piper!" John rasped excitedly as he barrelled through the front door of the couples Washington home after visiting his mother. There was no reply so he guessed she was upstairs packing. They only had a few days before they had to be out of the house after all. "Mom is fucking thrilled babe, she can't wait to be a grandma." He went on as he kicked off his boots and hung his cut on the rack. Still there was no response. John felt a wave of uneasiness wash over him – it wasn't like Piper not to respond to his calls; normally she'd be there to greet him as he came through the door. He knew it was unlikely Piper was out too, for her jacket was still on the rack, her shoes carefully tucked under it. "Piper?" John called again as he made his way into the house, his eyes giving the living room, the kitchen and the dining room a quick sweep, confirming that Piper wasn't in any of them. "Where you at girl?" John called as he jogged up the stairs, taking them two at a time. His unease was really starting to take hold of him now; he knew something was very wrong. Piper wouldn't ignore him like this and even if she was asleep, she would have awoken at the sound of his calls; she was such a light sleeper, the smallest thing woke her up. A quick glance in the bathroom proved Piper wasn't in there so John dashed down the hall to their bedroom. He charged through the door and at once, his eyes fell on the figure that was sprawled across the bed. Piper. "Oh shit!" he gasped, throat in knots, words an inaudible croak. She was still, so still, and so very pale. Her skin was white, almost transparent and coated in a thin sheen of sweat. But it was Piper's face that John focussed on; gaunt and full of fear, it was totally drained of all colour save for the trickle of dried blood that dripped down her chin from her lip, which she'd obviously chewed to the point of bleeding (something she did when she was in pain or nervous), the red of the blood harsh and far too bright against Piper's pale skin. Her eyes were wide and dull, grey, the pupils dilated, and shaking, completely unfocused. John could tell that she was breathing still, from his position at the door – where he remained frozen, unable to move, completely incapacitated by his fear – he could hear the shallow, haggard breathes her body was desperately trying to draw in. Her arms were wrapped tightly, protectively around her bump like she was trying to hold the life of their unborn child inside of her. Their baby… Thoughts of their unborn child, one that John had only just found a connection too, stirred him into action. He dashed to the side of the bed and scooped Piper up in his arms, fingers curling round her wrist in search of a pulse. There was one, barely. "Piper? Can you hear me?" John demanded haggardly as he cupped Piper's cheek in his hand, turning her cold, pale face so that her blank, unstaring eyes looked up at him. There was nothing, no response and no sound save for her shallow, haggard breathing. "Speak to me girl, come on!" John demanded desperately, his words a frantic jumble, tears falling thick and fast from his stinging eyes. He gave Piper a rough little shake, as if attempting to jolt the life back into her, but she remained still and silent; limp in his arms.

John called an ambulance after that. He didn't want to leave Piper's side for he feared that if he did, she'd let go and die, but he knew her only chance of survival was in getting her to the hospital and so he dashed downstairs as fast as his legs would carry him and called 911. He barked out orders to the operator, his words harsh, abrupt and coarse, before hanging up the phone, opening the front door so that the paramedics could get in and returning to Piper. She was still breathing in that shallow, haggard way, was still pale and gaunt, staring out into the word blankly through eyes that were too wide and shaking. John pulled her into his arms once again as he waited for the ambulance to arrive, one hand resting on her bump, feeling for any movement from the life within. There was none. He rocked Piper back and forth as he muttered to her how much he loved her, as he begged her to hold and pull through for both his sake and the sake of their unborn baby.

The ambulance arrived in no time at all, but it felt like hours to John. He let Piper go with great reluctance, knowing that the paramedics would do their best to save her. Everything that happened next was a hazy blur of fear, clouded by John's tears. The only thing that was clear to him, the only things that seemed real, was the way he held Piper's hand tight the entire way to the hospital and the pile of empty paracetamol packets that the paramedics found at the side of the bed…

"I'm sorry Mr Lowman, but your wife lost the baby." A doctor informed John a little over two hours after Piper was rushed to the hospital. It was the first piece of news John had received and it was completely and utterly devastating. Piper had lost the baby, the stupid little peanut that John had only just found a connection too. As grieved as John was for the loss of the child he never knew, he was more grieved for Piper. He dreaded having to tell her that she'd lost the baby she had loved and cherished with all her heart. The baby she talked and sang to everyday; the baby she'd spent months preparing for. John didn't let his grief or pain show however, he kept his face a cold, emotionless mask.

"You have any idea what happened to her." He asked hoarsely, his grief for his loss apparent in his voice. He scowled then, hating that he was allowing the doctor before him to hear how pained he was at the loss of his unborn child, and coughed a little in order to loosen up his voice a little.

"It looks like an overdose; a suicide attempt." The doctor said grimly without even looking down at his chart. _Suicide_? No, that couldn't be right at all. Piper wasn't depressed, she didn't want to end her life. She was the total embodiment of happiness! She'd been eagerly awaiting the arrival of their first child, was married to her high-school sweetheart and she had a great job all lined up for when the baby was born. She was _not_ suicidal!

John was angry, completely and utterly furious with the doctor for daring to suggest his wife had tried to end her own life. He clenched his fists and scowled dangerously, his eyes bulging and ablaze, before stepping forward. The doctor, suddenly looking very scared indeed, gave a small yelp and took a step back. John just carried on walking forward until he had the doctor pinned against the wall. He resisted the urge to wrap his fingers around the doctor's throat, instead settling for placing his hands flat against the wall, either side of the doctors head, before leaning in so that his face was just millimetres away from the doctors.

"Na, that ain't right." He drawled viciously, shaking his head. "Piper isn't suicidal." He added with certainty. The doctor didn't respond, save for another yelp of fear, so John snatched the clipboard from his hand before slamming it against his chest with all the force he could muster. "You better check your facts again man because my wife isn't fucking suicidal." He barked, a sneer on his lips, pointing his finger at the clipboard. He turned away from the doctor then, drew in a deep and shuddering breath as he fought to keep control of his emotions. He was not going to break down in front of the fucking doctor and in a public hospital waiting room too! He was not!

"I'm sorry Mr Lowman, I can't tell you for certain what happened to her, just what might have happened." The doctor stammered out nervously, voice shaking and far higher than it had been when he'd first talked to John. "If you have any suspicions about her overdose, go to the police." At that, John cleatched his fists once again and growled. The police? No, he didn't fucking trust the police. They no doubt would feed him the same bullshit suicide line as the doctors had. No, if he wanted to find out what happened to Piper he had to call in the only men in the world he trusted; The Sons of Anarchy.

SAMTAZ were on the case within twenty minute's of John calling them. A quick investigation of the house gave them little in the way of clues, but the few that they did find gave John all the proof he needed to know that whatever had happened to Piper, wasn't a suicide attempt. By the front door in their usually immaculate home (Piper and John alike were neat freaks) was a scuff on the wall, at ankle height. To SAMTAZ it looked as though it had been left by spurs. Which lead them to believe the Mayans might be involved. John had pissed them off just weeks previously; he'd ridden past their Sergeant at Arm's house and noticed he was running some sort of brothel. So he'd called the cops, leading to the SAA's arrest. The Mayan's weren't best pleased that one of their best men was locked up and had sworn revenge against John. But staging a suicide wasn't their thing…

The next clue was found in the bathroom cabinet. A whole basket load of different pills and medicines, untouched by Piper, none of it's contents used in her apparent suicide attempt. That made little sense for surely, if she really had attempted to kill herself, she would have used the vast array of painkillers that sat in the bathroom cabinet?

The final clue was something John discovered through his own investigation. There was no record of Piper buying the paracetamol she'd apparently taken in order to end her life. This too made little sense for she was very cautious and careful with her money and kept track of every single penny she spent. There was no money unaccounted for and not a single drug store in a twenty mile radius remembered selling Piper paracetamol in the weeks before her overdose.

Each of these things, although further proof to John that Piper hadn't tried to take her life, did little to help SAMTAZ find who had been responsible for what had happened to her. All their leads went cold and Piper's overdose remained very much a mystery.

_**SAMCRO**_

The day after she was emitted to hospital, Piper Lowman was declared brain dead. She showed no response at all to any of the tests the doctors ran on her. John, furious at the diagnosis and unable to believe his beautiful, lively, lovable wife was brain dead, asked for a second opinion. Again, Piper was declared brain dead and John was advised to turn off her life support. He refused too; he just couldn't believe that Piper was gone and was certain that somewhere, deep inside her comatose body, his wife was struggling to get out. He visited her almost every single day, whenever he could find the time. Often this was just for a few minute's at a time as he and the rest of SAMTAZ were trying desperately to figure out what had happened to Piper.

"Hey Piper." John whispered, smiling softly at the sight of his girl as he entered her hospital room. He closed the door behind him, giving them privacy, and replaced the old and dying flowers on her bedside table with new ones. "You in there girl?" he asked as he sat down at her side. He took her left hand in his, pressed his lips to her wedding and engagement rings with a sigh. Piper's fingers were warm, like life flowed in them still, but that warmth felt artificial, fake. "They tell me you're brain dead, but I don't believe that shit." John whispered hoarsely as he placed Piper's hand back at her side, before reaching out and carefully brushing her face free from the loose hairs that had escaped from behind her ears. He hair was coarse and dry, in terrible condition… she'd scold John for that when she awoke; she took great pride in making sure her hair stayed silky and smooth. John wouldn't mind though, not at all, because she'd be awake and alive and not brain dead like the doctors had told him. "I think you're in there." John added, leaning forward to press a kiss to Piper's cheek before sitting back again and taking her hand in his once more. He remained silent after that, his fingers curled tight around Pipers, his eyes never once leaving her. He wanted to be there, to see the moment that she woke up and proved the doctors wrong…

"You lost the baby Piper…" John whispered reluctantly, around a month after Piper's overdose. He'd held off telling her about the baby for a long time, wanting to wait until she was awake to inform her that their child no longer grew within her. Piper of course, gave no reaction to John's words, while John however, was crying openly and silently. His body was shuddering softly, convulsing with his soundless sobs and his cheeks were littered with tears that had fallen from his overflowing eyes, both fresh and dried. He wished he could be telling her different; that their baby had survived the overdose, even though it'd only been in the womb six months, and that it was waiting to meet it's mother. "I ain't mad though, so don't worry. Well not at you anyways." John said hurriedly, his fingers giving Piper's hand a squeeze as if to drive the point home. Knowing Piper like he did, John knew it was likely she'd think him mad at her for what had happened. He wasn't however, as he knew what had happened to her wasn't a suicide attempt, like the doctors insisted. Someone had tried to kill her. John was mad, infuriated and irate at the person who was responsible for the sorry state his wife was in. "Doctors reckon this was a suicide attempt, but I know you and you'd never have tried to take your own life." John said assuredly, certain in his belief that Piper hadn't tried to take her own life. She'd been happy, had been excited about what the next few months had to offer: motherhood, her job. Even if she'd been depressed, trying to hide it, John would have noticed. He knew her too well… "I mean we were happy weren't we girl? With the kid on the way and all?" John continued, chocking on his words at the mention of the kid. The stupid little peanut she'd loved so much, the one that he too had loved in those last few days before her overdose. The kid that, according to the doctors, had been a daughter. "It was a girl by the way." John informed Piper, smiling a little in spite of the tears that still flowed free from his eyes, despite the anguish he felt within. A girl was what Piper had wanted; what she'd believed herself to be having despite the fact that the stupid little peanut had been laying at an angle that prevented doctors from being able to establish what sex it was. John brought Piper's fingers to his lips and, like he did every time he visited, he pressed his finger to the rings that adorned her left ring finger. "I know you didn't try to take your own life because I can't think of a time since we've been together when you weren't happy…" he told her firmly, gripping her fingers tighter still before ducking his head and holding their clasped hands to his lips. He sat like that for the longest time, as still and silent as Piper, the only sign he gave that he was still there, awake and breathing, alive, where the tears that dripped down his cheeks and onto their joined hands, where they settled atop of Piper's wedding and engagement rings.

"I'm not going to pull the plug on you girl, I promise you." John assured Piper gruffly three months after she was declared brain dead. He'd just told her that he was transferring to SAMCRO. He was doing it because he could no longer stand going to see Piper every day, because he couldn't stand looking down at her still and lifeless body while he waited for her to wake up. Charming offered him an escape from that, a distraction. Things were crazy with the mother charter right now and they needed all the extra help they could get. John would still visit Piper; he'd still call in every day to check up on her condition. He just couldn't keep doing what he was doing; it was killing him. "And I'm gonna find out what happened to you Piper; the truth, not the bullshit the doctors and police have come up with. And when I do, I'm going to get my revenge. I'm going to tear whoever did this to you apart." John promised. All the clubs leads had gone cold; they hadn't been able to determine what had really happened to Piper or who was too blame. John didn't care, he was going to find out who'd tried to murder Piper and he was going to kill them. In fact he was going to do more than kill them, he was going to torture them, to tear them limb from limb and draw out their death as long as he possibly could, making sure they went through as much pain as he and Piper had. "Cause you didn't deserve this Piper and you didn't do it to yourself either." John whispered tearfully, choking up, his eyes filling with tears for what felt about the millionth time since Piper's overdose. It'd be the last time he cried for her however; he'd not shed another tear for his beautiful wife. He'd mask his pain, his anger and he'd turn it around and use it to tear apart anyone that dared cross him or the club. "You just focus on coming back to me girl." John said, getting to his feet as he wiped his tears away. He put Piper's hand back at her side, tucked her hair out of her face one last time before bending down and pressing his lips to hers. "I love you Piper." John whispered against her lips, kissing them one last time before he straightened up and walked to the door. "I'll come back and see you real soon; I promise." He said, getting one last look at his beautiful wife before he walked out the door and closed it behind him.

_**SAMCRO**_

When John arrived in Charming the next morning, he was hidden behind a cold and emotionless mask. He kept his emotions entirely in check for he did not want anyone to see how much pain he was in, how grieved he was by his wife's condition. He threw himself into club life head first and two days later, during a bloody battle with the Mayan's, he made his first ever kill. That night at the clubhouse, he had a smiley face inked onto his torso to mark that, one akin to the little ones Piper drew on all her work. It was his little tribute to her; his way of reminding himself of her without him having to think up her name or the sorry state she was laying in back in Washington. As his new ink was cleaned up, someone called out to John, using his name to do so. John didn't like that, he didn't want to be John anymore; John was Piper's husband, John was a man lost to the grief and pain of losing his unborn child and wife. He didn't want to be that man anymore. It hurt too much to be that man. So he asked everyone to call him Happy. It was ironic as he was far from being such a thing, but he wanted that name for it reminded him every day that that's what Piper had been, happy, and so therefore she hadn't really tried to take her own life like the doctors had said.

John continued to search for the person that had attempted to kill his wife, but he never found them. This angered him but he took that anger and put it to good use, put it in every kill, every fight, every moment with the club. Every man he took life from was, in his eyes, someone who could have tried to kill Piper. He began to get joy from killing, from watching the life drain away from someone as a result of something he had done, from watching the light disappear from their eyes. Each and every kill was for Piper, revenge for what had happened to her. He was cold, he was brutal, he was ruthless and soon his bloodlust became such that he was presented with a new patch 'The Unholy Ones', making him an assassin for the Sons of Anarchy. A job he took great pride in. And, like with his first kill, every time he took a life, he got yet another smiley face inked on his torso. Croweaters flocked around him straight away, turned on my his rippling muscles and rock hard abs. He ignored them at first, but soon caved in and started banging every blonde he could get his hands on. Brunettes just reminded him of Piper. He felt guilty at first, but that, like his anger and pain, was soon turned into a weapon he could use against his enemies.

Before moving to Charming, John finished moving his and Piper's things from their old house, to their new one, setting up their new house just as Piper would have wanted it, ready for when she woke up. He even kept the nursery as it was, knowing Piper would want to try for another child one day. He never went in that house; it hurt him too much, so he stayed at the clubhouse. A year to the day after Piper's overdose, John returned to the house, blinded by his grief, his pain. He was angry that Piper had yet to wake up, maddened by it and unable to cope any longer. He went from room to room, trashing the house and all that was in it, before eventually torching the place. He was able to salvage very little from the blaze, including the sketch he'd drawn of Piper in order to propose, a handful of photo albums and the first scan of their unborn child; the one where their baby looked like a peanut.

As the years went by, John visited Piper less and less, until the only times he did so were dates of significance; her birthday, their anniversary, the day she'd told him she'd skipped a period and the anniversary of the day their baby should have been born. He went back and forth between SAMCRO, SAMTAZ and the Nomads in order to be able to achieve this, telling his club that his mother was ill every time he needed a transfer. No body ever questioned this, not even the ones that knew the truth. He of course, continued to pay for her medical care, despite how expensive it was to keep her at a high standard facility. He wanted to give his wife the best chance possible of waking up, the best care possible. It meant talking on every single job the Sons of Anarchy threw his way and more, but John didn't care. It'd be worth it if Piper came back to him.

Before John knew it, it had been over 15 years since Piper had overdosed, yet still he didn't give up on her, still he didn't pull the plug. He believed that Piper was in there somewhere, deep inside her body and unable to surface. It was his belief that one day, she'd return to him that kept him going every day. It is his never-ending quest for revenge, in finding the person who'd tried to kill Piper that makes him the cold and brutal, ruthless killer he is known to be; a man that is everything that Piper never was.

_**There is a link to a picture of Piper on my fanfiction homepage. **_

_**Although this is a one shot (albeit a very, very long one), if there is enough interest/reviews and whatnot, I'll write up another one shot, one that includes many of the scenes mentioned, but not written up in this one shot – the graduation, the wedding, the baby's ultrasound etc – which might be M rated, depending on if I feel up to it. It will probably conclude with a cross over with my main Chibs story, with Chibs and his Ol' Lady, Boo, finding out about Piper and Happy taking them to see her. I'll also reveal the truth about what happened to Piper if I write that one shot. I'll tell you this much now – she didn't attempt suicide. **_

_**Also, if you guys want, I'll start a drabble series for Happy and Piper similar to my one about Boo, Chibs and Tig – just let me know if that and the previously mentioned one shot are stories you'd like to see in your review :D. **_

_**Please review; I spent a lot of time writing this and reviews really make me smile; they are extremely motivational and make my writing more than worthwhile. **_


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